Come, Let us Return to the Lord

“Come, let us return to the Lord. He has torn us to pieces, but he will heal us; he has injured us, but he will bind up our wounds. After two days he will revive us; on the third day he will restore us that we might live in his presence. Let us acknowledge the Lord; let us press on to acknowledge him. As surely as the sun rises, he will appear; he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth.” -Hosea 6:1-3

Currently, I am sitting in my beautiful office, with a view of the mountains and the majestic towers of Valor listening to a calming Bon Iver. I live with my 2nd family, I have my dream job, and all thanks and glory to the God who ordained it. This was not my own doing, but as it stands, I am well acquainted with comfort.

And yet…surrounding me and engulfing my mind is sadness, discomfort, and hurt. I ache for those less fortunate than me, and my heart rages against the injustice. Why God? How much longer will you let this go on? This weekend has left me feeling numb…then totally not numb, angry and hopeless. An elementary school? The horror. And yet, so many children all over the world experience trauma just as devastating every day. How can this happen? How have we have gotten so far from Christ?  I am shaking my head in disbelief.

I am urged to do something about it; to stop this madness. To scream at God, and tell him that we can’t do this anymore and that he needs to come get us. We can’t do it, IT'S TIME JESUS! I want to cry and tell him to make it all stop. I want out. The pain is insurmountable, and the hurt is unbearable. Hearts are absolutely breaking all over the world. One of my favorite authors says it perfectly: “It’s all I can do. I’ve reached my threshold. I am begging for morning, praying for the dawn. I am truly in a season of Advent, waiting. Jesus, when are you going to come and make all things new? When will you redeem these losses and heal this land? When will children be safe? When are you coming? We are waiting, a groaning earth. We are aliens and strangers, reaching toward the kingdom, gasping. The hope torch is so heavy.

My only answer in the face of all this madness is Jesus. I literally have no other words, no better narrative. I believe Him. Just like He came the first time, in the margins, and the earth received her King, I know He is still here, ruling the world with truth and grace. I know He cares and He sees and He will be found. I know He is the light of the world, even though the night is so dark, so pitch black.”

Despite all of my longing and lofty ideas of how to redeem all of this, I cannot even fix myself…much less the rest of the world. I find myself helpless and broken at the feet of a holy God. I am part of this problem in the first place. I am reminded that, in itself, moral failure is not our biggest problem. Instead, the most hideous problem in the world is a failure to see God for who He really is. We get really messed up when we dont know who God is...and what He thinks of us.

My flesh and the enemy speak out that God must be perpetually displeased and disappointed with my feeble attempts at obedience. And yet, in the bible I find something totally and utterly different. Astoundingly different. GRACE. God’s mercy to sinners is not calculated and careful, it is lavish and outrageous.

It is baffling to me that after years of following this Jesus, who loves me with such persistence that it sometimes makes my head spin, that I can still lose sight of the offer he makes every day, every hour. The gospel that says “it is finished” and “come to me all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest.” I forget all too often. I forget that the gospel is for Christians; for me. That it was at my worst that Christ died for me. How is that possible? Outrageous grace, unending love; it makes no sense.

Yet, it’s true. It is true in the highest sense. Ephesians says:
“As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. BUT BECAUSE OF HIS GREAT LOVE FOR US, GOD, WHO IS RICH IN MERCY, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”

God is so frustrating and awe-inspiring. The whole concept is just absolutely ludicrous. Undeserving acceptance, unrequited love, unending mercy and grace. This rails against everything that seems true. Today though, I choose to believe it.  Because it is our only hope.

An oh, do I feel the weight of my inability to make my heart completely submissive to Him. This morning, I am pleading with Jesus for a heart that loves Him rightly, claiming the blood of Jesus to cover my constant and overwhelming shortcomings. I feel this holy discontentment for where my life is, and where I want it to be. I want more of Him. More of the joy and peace that he offers. So with my failures and anger and confusion and frustration and tear-filled rage blackouts, I find myself re-reading Hosea 6. “Come let us return to the Lord…”

And so I will.

Come Ye Sinners

Come ye sinners, poor and needy
Weak and wounded, sick and sore
Jesus ready, stands to save you
Full of pity, love and power

Come ye thirsty, come and welcome
God's free bounty glorify
True belief and true repentance
And every grace that brings you nigh

Come ye weary, heavy laden
Lost and ruined by the fall
If you tarry until you're better
You will never come at all

I will arise and go to Jesus
He will embrace me in his arms
And in the arms of my dear Savior
There are 10,000 charms

Overwhelmed

Long time no see!

The past month has been essentially a blur for me, as I briefly mentioned in my last post which was about 3 sentences in between the chaos of life.  I took a trip to Texas at the end of July to see my lovely family, and to spend some time in the heat playing beach volleyball and getting snowcones with my sibs, and hugging the necks of all the lovely people in the Lone Star State.  Also did a lot to regain some Texas twang in my accent. Can't let it go.

There is something beautiful about Texas hidden beneath the sweat and heat and incredible vastness, and it's found in the faces of everyone I love there.  I enjoyed a full weekend with Becca, making dinner together and catching up like it seems we always are.  I always leave unbelievably encouraged after spending time with her.  Cara, my long lost high school buddy, even made a quick appearance to say hello.  A quick trip to The Village Church set us home bound with tears in our eyes and full hearts, tender to the unwavering mercy and grace of God the Father. 

The next week was spend mostly at the pool or at the sand volleyball courts watching Carson shine at the King of the Beach tournament.  I got a lot of sun, and a lot of good quality time with my family that I love so dearly.  The whole vacation was capped off with a trip to the lake with frister, Megan Templin, wakeboarding and reminiscing the days when we saw each other more than once a year. 

It felt good to be home, and it was a nice transition into the whirlwind of emotions and blessing that the next week would bring.


You should know that I have moved South!!  (Closer to Texas, but still in Colorado)  I am living with the most amazing, unbelievable family, the Haskins.  They have graciously provided me a home here in Colorado, treating me like I am part of their family.  And oh, there isn't a better family, aside from my own, that I would want to be a part of.  This precious and beautiful family is my new definition of God's magnificent grace.  I am blown away at their generosity of welcoming me into their home, and sometimes feel like crying at how lucky I feel to be a part of such a God-centered, grace-drenched household.  It is the most evident of the blessings and provision that God has showered down on me this month.  I am so unbelievably and undeservedly blessed by them on an hourly basis.

I am working full time and full days at Valor Christian High School.  There aren't enough words in the English language to correctly emphasize the miracle that is this "full time job."  People, if you know me at all, you know that full time jobs aren't my thing.  I tell this to you in COMPLETE HONESTY:  I wake up excited to go to work!!  That's right, my (usually 12 hour day) job is the best thing ever.  I am obsessed with my co-workers, and completely at peace with putting my authority under the leadership at Valor and the men and women who serve on the Board of Directors there.  I am blown away at how Christ-centered my work environment is.  We spend time in worship and prayer, and had a staff and faculty retreat in the mountains to spend time with our Lord Jesus and to really make authentic relationships with co-workers.

Have I mentioned how much I love the people I work with?  I respect them and admire them and they shine so brightly the light of Jesus.  It makes me want to dance.  And dance, I did. (Last night in front of the entire Senior class.) 

On top of everything thus far, I get to work with high school kids. All day.  Every day.  I get to plan fun events for them, and just hangout with them and talk about Jesus.  I get to love on them, laugh with them, cry with them, and be a part of showing them the majesty of the God we serve during some extremely transformative years of their lives.  I get to point them towards Jesus.  However, I can guarantee, though, that God is transforming me just as much.

Last night we had the Senior Olympiad Lock-in.  We had 18 teams of Seniors who competed in Olympic events (spit-put, egg toss, 3 leg races, etc.) We made up skits, and acted them out in front of everyone. We played games, and kicked soccer balls, and set up volleyball nets on the grassy knoll.  We ate dinner and roasted s'mores over campfires on campus.  We sang worship songs around the fire, and gave honor to the glory of God.  We watched movies, and highlight reels, and slept in sleeping bags under the stars.  And woke up to the leaders of the school, serving kids pancakes as an act of service.  AND IT WAS MY JOB!!  UNREAL.

All of this to say, I don't know how to physically take in all the joy that I am experiencing.  I am being radiantly lavished upon by Christ, and I don't know what to do besides laugh.  And cry.  And worship in every way possible.  I am overwhelmed, and whatever word is more powerful than that.

I know that it won't always be this way.  I know that happiness can be stolen in one instant, but this deeply seeded joy is set deep in my heart and for this season, I am so unrealistically overjoyed to be serving the God that I love in this capacity.

Thank you Jesus, for loving someone so undeserving and lowly as me.  Thank you for wanting me despite my consistent and constant failures.  Oh God you are so good.  Let me life reflect my love and passion for you.  All glory and honor and praise to you, my King.  Please help me to love others as you have so perfectly loved me. 

The Newness of Life and Joy

Sorry about the lack of blogs!  (mom)  I have been away for a variety of reasons which are led by these two:

1.  My computer broke.  AWESOME!  So I am completely computerless.  And as fun as blogging on my iphone sounds....it doesnt.

2.  I started my brand new full time job which I ADORE.  I have literally never been happier in my entire life.  I am obsessed with my co-workers and blown away by my bosses.  It is the most amazing gig in the world, and I do not have enough descriptive words over here to even possibly start to explain it. 

The only summary is:  God is good.  ALL THE TIME.  He is raining down undeserved blessings on me and I am just swimming in joy.  Drowning in it.  More details later!  Give someone a hug for me!!  Life is unfathomably good!

Thankful Thursday

1. Manicures and Pedicures with your best friend on a particularly rough day. Naturally I got french and she got barbie pink. No shock here, people.

2. THE POOL.  THE POOL.  THE POOL!

3. TEXAS VACATION THIS WEEK, and naturally this awesome t-shirt that Kristin sent me via snail mail.

4. These two idiots, and hammocks in the backyard.

5. The great city of Denver which I am so extremely blessed to call home.

6. Sunset walks at Wash Park.

7. Spending some quality time with this hott mama this weekend.

 

8.  Pretending we still live in the same town, and loving on my little clone of a BFF in Dallas.

9.  Savoring some ACTUAL Tex-Mex.
10.  My last day of work at the full time job.....TODAY.  Praising the Lord for the past 2 years at this job and for the opportunity to move on!


SO VERY THANKFUL THIS WEEK!!!!!

Thankful on Thursday

1. New Pandora Stations.
2. Big striped beach towels that keep you from burning your toesies on the broiling concrete, poolside.
3. Karla Heath -- a buddy to play in the pool with! And the ability to for our bodies to tread water for 30 minutes straight and then celebrate by taking a ride (or three) on the kiddie slide. Same girl who makes me laugh until my stomach hurts.
4. The feeling immediately after a hard workout.
5. Chocolate and peanut butter mixed together in sweet union.
6. Thunderstorms and rain outside my window.
7. Aviator sunglasses.
8. Sleeping in and lazy mornings.
9. Palisade peaches.
10. An upcoming vacation to the great state of Texas, to see all my loves!!

Be thankful!!!! God has blessed us immensely.

My Personal Hell

Honestly (and apparently), there are only so many things you can learn about yourself during the daytime hours.  Other things, what some may call your true colors, will sometimes only come out after waking up AGAIN in a pool of your own sweat to the sound of a train horn that shakes the walls of your bedroom every half hour.

A list of things that I have learned about myself tonight include, but are not limited to, the following list:

1. I will take a cold shower at midnight in an attempt to CTFO.  (Cool off)
2. I will use the F word.  Out loud.  To myself.
3. I will eat ANYTHING that I desire regardless of how much damage it will do to my waistline.
4. I will sleep with an ice pack on my head, and ice water next to my bed.
5. I will pour said ice water onto my pillow in a desperate manner.
6. I will erupt into tears without warning.

This routine always starts the same way:  shock and denial.  I hear the distant train horn and at this point I am still in a hazy, sweaty sleep.  The train horn gets louder.  I realize that I am wet, but still a little unconscious and unable to fully assess the situation.  TRAIN HORN. Can't determine if reality is that I am on a hot beach tanning my skin, or if....no, no I am sweating in my bed.  Which is a total freakin' nightmare. Completely drenched in sweat. TRAAAAAAAIN HOOORRRNNNNNNN!!!!!!!

SHIT. My thoughts are racing. “Maybe if I pretend I didn’t hear it, it’ll stop.” The train laughs at me. AND BLOWS THE HORN ONE MORE TIME FOR GOOD MEASURE.

"LOL. Um, like a fire alarm? This is happening." The faster I acknowledge it, the sooner I can mount this crazy horse and let the games BEGIN.

And suddenly I am blackout raging.  Crying.  Anger and frustration have taken over and I am bargaining with God.  Anything but my sleep, God.  Anything!  If anyone knows how important sleep is to me, its Him!!  And that kind of funnels into depression and more tears, cold showers and ice chips.

Getting no sleep makes me absolutely crazy.  And the crazy(er) version of me cannot handle the full time job.  CAN. NOT. HANDLE. IT.  The forecast for tomorrow is really shaping up to be a total emotional shit storm.

Screw it.  The ice water is going down the back of my neck. 

And with this, I have further proof that hell is an extremely just punishment for rebellion against a Holy God.  THERE IS NOTHING WORSE THAN THIS.

Full Time Jobs. Not My Thing.

With only 7 (SEVEN!) more days left at this full time job, I can’t decide whether to stick around or to light myself on fire. The 2pm-3pm hour has always been hard on me. Compared to the other hours, 2-3pm is like stepping out of a warm bath and being thrown into a vat of ferrets. The next certain amount of days are all really going to depend on whether or not I get paid at the end of this thing for my un-used sick days. If not….I see a very traumatic sickness in my NEAR future, (as in, tomorrow). Ferret fever.

I am to a point in the day where I just tried to eat the pen in my left hand while holding a banana in my right. Bow before my intellect, humans.

Speaking of nothing in particular: Does anyone else have this running through their heads?

“SHOT THROUGH THE HEART!
And you’re to blame,
Darlin’ you give looooove a bad name (bad name).”

What about now, suckers?!



In just 8 (EIGHT!) days, I will once again be venturing into the holy land of Texas. Becks, Beef, Cara, Meg, and the wonderful world of Brown-Rice all at once! Too much!

What I am MOST looking forward to (besides everything) is challenging myself to the usual: making my parents laugh until they cry. It’s not that hard, and a quick rendition of Bon Qui Qui usually does the trick. But GOD AND BRITTNEY (specifically) KNOW it’s time for some new material.

The way it ALWAYS goes is that something strikes them as unbelievably funny. (KEEP IN MIND: IT’S USUALLY NOT THAT FUNNY) Their chuckle forces its way into a hearty laugh which propels its way up into howling and then shrieking. Shrieking and pounding the table with fists. Cue gasping for air. They start to lose lung capacity which brings on choking until they actually cannot breathe. Usually they are in such comical hysterics at this point that they cry. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

Casual bystanders would probably think they were dying. I think they usually feel like they are. And one or both of them end up in the bathroom, without fail. Dogs are barking. This rabid chimpanzee act lasts for anywhere from 5 to 15 minutes and serves as my ab workout for the entire week. This kind of thing only happens in Texas, I am sure.


You guys know who I love? Brittney Lynnakins. Just look at her! She is such the big girl, what with being a SENIOR in college! And further—she is the ONLY person in her entire summer school class at TAMU-T (Texas A&ME) who passed her pretest yesterday. She’s cute AND she’s smart! I have her number!

God get me to 5PM.

Fitness

Thought you people might like an update on my recent and feeble fitness attempts.

 It has come to my attention that I am weak as a hairless kitten. I even have trouble summoning muscle power to type this, and I try to reserve what little strength I have for lifting and shoveling chip after salsa-drenched chip from the basket at the center of the table to my lips. Taxing, that.

I’ve mentioned crossfit….

About fifteen minutes into a crossfit workout, I start doing that crazed hyena whimper-laugh, closely followed by tears. I glare at our instructor through narrowed eyes. Her tiny body still fits within my millimeter of vision. She’s laughing. I am not. My millimeter of vision starts to swim, and I catch myself making noises that I haven’t heard before, and I am embarrassed. Also…I’m shaking.

She then tells us congratulations for getting through the warm up, and that its time to start the workout. This is where I black out. There is a light, and I move toward it. There is pumpkin cheesecake there.



You know how Olympic commentators tell you when someone doesn’t have their toes pointed quite right, or why a particular maneuver is impressive? You start to develop this quasi-expert knowledge of the sports you follow (GYMNASTICS), which you then promptly forget for the next four years.

Wouldn’t it better to have commentators for other things? Things you could learn that would really have an impact on your quality of life? For example, we could each be assigned a commentator for our early twenties who would follow us around offering insight into our performances:

“This maneuver she’s attempting could be a bit psychologically tough on her, because throughout her dating career, she’s proven to be a nervous talker. Let’s see how she does…

Oh! Oh! Big-time overshare, Bob. That is devastating for her. Let me just explain what happened a bit here, her date did not need to know she hasn’t showered or shaved her legs this week. Wow! That was out of nowhere.

Whew. That is really gonna cost her.”


In other news....I am getting tan.  Like I always say:  'If you cant tone it, tan it.'

A Thursday to Be Thankful

Good Morning! I hope you are not suffering the July 5th blues quite as harshly as I usually do. I hope the fireworks and watermelons and patriotism warmed your soul like a blanket, and that you celebrated as hard as those kids in ‘The Sandlot.’ God bless the USA.

To jump right to it: I am reading this new book, called 1000 Gifts. And really it’s not new to anyone but me, because I think I am the last person I know to have read it. It’s phenomenal, and I am only on Chapter 3. The whole book is about celebrating the life we are living now, the little precious moments, and about living a life of thankfulness for all of the gifts that God willingly gives to us on a daily basis. It’s a challenge, per say, to live “your best life now” with more biblical undertones and without all the Joel Osteen bull crap.

So I am taking the challenge. In the book, the author writes down things she is thankful for every day. And because I am clumsy and exceedingly forgetful, (PRONE TO GET BORED AND PRONE TO NO FOLLOW THROUGH) I am going to stumble into this like I’m drunk in a dark room of obstacles. For now I will take Thursdays, on the blog, to list 10 things that I am exceptionally thankful for. The little things that I am so grateful to God for giving.

“To name a thing is to manifest the meaning and value God gave it, to know it as coming from God and to know its place and function within the cosmos created by God. To name a thing, in other words, is to bless God for it and in it. …In naming that which is right before me, that which I’d otherwise miss, the invisible becomes visible.”

10 Things I am Exceedingly Thankful for:

1. A most adored friend, who loves the Lord harder than any, who agrees to just sit and listen to my (hormonal) rant about the metaphorical swift kick to the gut that happens sometimes out of nowhere and leaves my soul torn and broken. A friend who makes it SAFE to be fully myself and who applauds my strengths and encourages me in my failures. And further, who loves me because and despite of exactly who I am. Thank you God, for Bethany.

2. The feeling of cool water engulfing my head on an excruciatingly hot summer day, and watching the water droplets dry from my legs while I lay beside the community pool on a day off from work.

3. Life in a country established on freedom. The most exceptional gift, the US of A. (And for fireworks to celebrate its birth.  Because fireworks are the BEST!)

4. Hot showers in the morning. Cool showers in the evening.

5. Fans. (Fans being the only way I survive summer nights.)

6. Skype and its plagiarized version of hanging out with friends who are scattered around the country.

7. Surprise gifts in the (snail) mail. (Especially when said gift is an ENORMOUS Texas flag!)

8. A song that brings joyful tears on the way to work. Today, that was “Sweetly Broken” by Jeremy Riddle.

9. Plum and Peach season! Fresh fruit!

10. Books, real books, with their smelly pages and their water soaked spots splashed from cannon balls.

That’s my list for today. I am blessed beyond measure and I am so grateful for a God who loves me. What are you thankful for this Thursday?

When I say America, You say "We're the BEST."

AMERICANS!!!!!!!!!!
It’s the 2nd of July! Which means you know which holiday is fast approaching!? THAT’S RIGHT. THE FOURTH OF FREAKIN’ JULY!!!! I love it. I love it. I love it. I love America. #RED #WHITE #BLUE!! May or may not have cried during the USA Olympic Gymnastics Trials last night, but that’s neither here nor there. And this post is not about gymnasts, it's is about God’s country (not Israel).

It’s time once again to celebrate this idiotic awesome country (the best damn country in the world) by playing outside, accentuating our southern accents (if you got it, flaunt it...I always (never) say), and blowing things up! Not even the total fire ban in Colorado can stop us from shooting fireworks! MUA HA HA! Grab a summer beer, and SO HELP ME GOD, play country (READ: AMERICAN) music as loud as your little speakers will allow and dance in the streets because Wednesday is INDEPENDENCE DAY!

FREEDOM! I love it.

This past weekend was splendid and awesome mostly because I got my tan on like I still lived in Texas. And now I look a little less like a vampire, and a little more like my Cherokee heritage. It was fabulous. Bethany, GOD BLESS HER SOUL, found us an amazing pool to spend both Saturday and Sunday lying beside. This is the best contribution that Bethany has made to our friendship thus far. And I was perfectly content just dozing in the sunshine and reading my book until Behnke arrived, demanding that we play in the water and go down the toddler slide. And seeing that I am NOT a fun-hater, I did a cannon ball right into the “swimming laps only” lane. Which was awkward for all my speedo wearing friends who were, PLEASE NOTE, between the ages of 65-80. Also, the lifeguard blew his whistle notifying me that I could not play in that lane. RUDE.

(Note from pool goers united: IT’S NOT OKAY TO WEAR SUCH A TINY SWIM SUIT, MEN!! Put on some trunks!)

Anyways Behnke and I had handstand competitions and underwater tea parties and choreographed a synchronized swimming routine, and I am 98% sure that I pulled a hamstring trying to do multiple flips. SO APPARENTLY I’m not 12 anymore. Who knew?  LIFE IS HARD.

So we stayed at the pool for right around 6 hours each day and then during time in between, we went to church, went on walks at the park, layed on the couches, and spent some time “Pinteresting” (READ: wasting our lives). Anyways I learned how to make a leopard print cake which is helpful in ZERO circumstances unless I plan a party for Beef anytime in the future. In other news: YOU CAN PUT ANYTHING IN A MASON JAR AND SUDDENLY ITS TRENDY!

Well. It’s a complete injustice that I am even at work today. We should get a week off for this holiday. TOTAL CRAP. I am rebelling against the system and taking a walk during lunch. And probably going to light sparklers in the office later and run around singing the national anthem. What can they do? Fire me?!

(ANSWER: Yes. They can fire me.)

Random Updates

Outside my window at work, little raindrops of mercy that we have so desperately prayed and begged for are falling on Colorado. Seeing my beloved little home up in flames is too much for my heart to handle. Texas last year, and now Colorado. Please pray with me for more and more rain, knowing full well that God holds every droplet in every cloud in his hands, and also for all of the families whose homes have been destroyed because of this fire.

I have officially told my full time job that I am leaving at the end of July, and therefore I can now relay the message to you, faithful blog readers.

God has really been doing something special here in the life of Ally lately. And I will give you a glimpse into all of the magic that’s been happening. First of all, I have the opportunity to work at the (part time job) FULL TIME! Yes and AMEN! I will be doing Student Life through the Fellows Program at Valor next year, and also participating in the missions program! (And still coaching track & field.) God has been so good throughout the entire process of a major career change, and I cannot wait to see all of the opportunities that he provides in and through this transition! Ready to act like I am 15 again, and party like its 1999 with my fellow Fellows: Addie, Brian, and Greg. Their introductions will come later. When I meet them.

Please pray for me as I prepare my heart to minister to high schoolers on a DAILY basis!

What else is going on?

Well. Savannah’s back! She just completed a year-long mission trip called the World Race (google it) and has FINALLY once again graced the US with lots of color and too many bracelets. She has returned with minimal hair and a new tattoo, both of which are the least shocking things to happen in our friendship thus far. WELCOME HOME, SAV! We are OH so happy that you are back.

Mumford and Sons is coming to RED ROCKS! So help me if I cannot get tickets to that concert, I will pick up my shovel, dig a very large hole and throw myself in it.

Last night as I was serenading myself with the last part of the song that I was listening to in the car, I stopped to unlock my door, only to look over and see my housemate standing there. It is in that moment when one truly realizes where their level of confidence is at. Mine is at a zero with an audible “AW HELL”.

I’ve been working out again. It was time to get my crap together, assuming I have made a personal goal in my life to not be obese. Time to put down the chips and salsa and pick up the dumbbells. Anyways Bethany conned me into signing up for crossfit and let me tell you….CROSSFIT IS A BUNCH OF….BALONEY. {Full disclosure: your grandma and I are teaming up to bring "That's Baloney!" back as an expression}. These crossfit people are psycho and they lift massive amounts of weights while I stand in the back with 10 lbs, sweating like I am guilty. It lasts for an hour, and then I usually can’t walk for 4 days. It hurts so good.

Carson and Roman are officially Aggies! THE NERVE of them growing up so fast!

Really looking into a vacation during my time off in between careers there in that sacred last week of July. Anybody got any ideas for where I could find a beach?? For CHEAP. Because I got 99 problems, but a beach ain’t one.

And with that…I’m embarrassed and out.

Google

I saw someone else list their recent searches on google, so I looked back through my phone. I quickly realized that I also needed to come clean. On the list of google searches I have made in the last week, these things are included:

Channing Tatum wife?
Boondocks lyrics
Heat vs. Thunder scores
Crossfit LoDo schedule
Lean wit it rock wit it lyrics
Who can own guns in Colorado?
Weather
Myers Briggs ‘Performer’
ESFP
Old person outfits
Ice cream shops nearby
Coldstone hours 
CMT top 20 Countdown
Something Bout a truck lyrics
Wet blanket meaning?
Best food Estes Park
Koalas hugging
Symptoms of lockjaw
Snooze menu
My kind of crazy lyrics
Redbox cheat codes
Cheap flights to Australia
Cheap flights to New Zealand
Where to buy fanny packs?
Marmots
How to play card games


Sorry I’m not sorry.

90MPH With No Recovery

FOREWARNING: I am writing this blog in order to stay awake at my full time job. I am the kind of nauseous you get when exhaustion is at a level 10. Just dropped the kiddos (siblings) off at the airport, and hugged and kissed them goodbye. On a completely unrelated side note, I was wearing my “I moose have a hug” nightgown and I felt confident about it. It will probably be Christmas before I see those precious faces again…which I will promptly put to the back of my mind in order to save myself the heartache. Oy vey.

This weekend the sibs and I packed as many activities into a single weekend as humanly possible. We drove to every corner of this state, and saw every mountain range. A recap would include a Colorado Rockies baseball game, where we scored first deck tickets for free (because God loves us). We laid on a big rock over a creek in Buena Vista looking at the stars, and built a fire despite the fire ban in Colorado and the repercussions of getting caught.

The next day we spent the entire day on the river with our handsome New Zealand native of a rafting guide, Isaac, whom we lovingly referred to as “Daddy.” He guided us down a very low river with extreme precision and even performed a somersault off of the front of the raft at one point during the trip. His accent really made him adorable, regardless that he did not understand our jokes whatsoever. That night was spent playing various sports in the park and inevitably giving Lindsay a concussion as she attempted to become Air Jordan. That night ended prematurely with frozen peas on Lindsay’s head and a movie while lying on the couch.

We drove to Granby Lake for the weekend and canoed, threw rocks and frisbees, and grilled chicken over a bonfire. Then Lee had the brilliant idea of making jank s’mores which included cinnamon pop tarts and a rice crispy treat in the middle, warmed on a stick. I opted out of that midnight snack, and you should opt out of ever trying it to save yourself the embarrassment. The next day we hiked and scrambled down the rocks of a waterfall, drove on the highest paved road in America to see a herd of elk and ended up at the Hi Country Riding Stables in Estes Park, Colorado where we took a trail ride on horseback.

I need to stop and pause to give this experience its due respect.

First of all, it smelled like horse crap. Which makes sense. Roman was a natural and immediately bonded with his horse, Smalls. He even wore boots, so it really wasn’t a competition of who looked the most comfortable in this scenario. Brittney’s horse, The Black Pearl, was adventurous and preferred going OVER rocks, rather than around. Pearl also had a bad case of gas, which was only a problem for me since I was riding behind her. Carson and my horses were related, and they were total assholes. (HINT: This is the best part of the story.)

Jesse and James started the day off having their own agenda of what our trip would look like. Seeing that I was wearing yoga pants and aviators, and Carson looked like he had come straight from longboarding on the beaches of California…these horses knew we were foreigners and piss poor horseback riders. They took advantage of us from the beginning and leapt over creeks, stopped to graze, and galloped to catch up with the group, bouncing us out of our saddles. They also walked on the edge of every cliff, were clumsy as hell, and preferred that we didn’t use the reigns whatsoever. In response, Carson and I did not stop laughing, screaming, squealing, cursing for the entire 2 hour trip. Carson made brutal threats towards Jesse, and I instead tried the method of sweet talking James. Neither proved successful. It was probably the most fun I have had since moving to Colorado. My abs are so sore…along with other choice parts of my body.

I loved having my brothers and sister here. It’s like a little piece of home showing up in the mountains, wrapped in movie quotes and exceptional senses of humor. But upon the closing of my car door as I departed from the airport, the quiet engulfed me like a warm blanket. I reflected on the weekend and relayed details to the parents, reminiscing on all the laughter and idiocy of our time together.

After a week full of 90 miles per hour, I am exceedingly ready for an afternoon in my hammock dozing off in the sunshine. I need solitude, and some one on one time with Jesus. Just to think. To rest. To sleep. I find this need more apparent in myself as I get older. Maybe I am going to end up turning into my mother after all.

There is something about paying attention, about prayer, about being present to the world in every moment. This weekend I abandoned my phone and my computer (for the most part) and just lived mostly outside. I think it’s what we were created for despite the fact that everyone knows I am a complete technology whore. (I am not proud of that fact, and there is something within me that desperately wants to change it.) But, there is a way of choosing to live in the now, whatever it might look like. There is something about preserving my sense of wonder, presence, and attentiveness to the beauty of the world that God has placed me in.

And stopping to breathe, it heals me. I need my days to be punctuated by moments of rest and awe in the beauty of my God and the beauty of his creation. Because the beauty and wonder and awe, they are always there just waiting for me to pause and look around. Here is some photo documentation of the weekend:

Hope you are having the most fabulous Monday.  I think I will take a nap under my desk now.

Some Advice, Maybe

I have been thinking a lot lately about life. Deep thoughts, mostly. Like how silly most everything we are worried about really is, how dachshunds aren’t as bad as I have always thought, and how running is actually the worst thing on the planet. Things like how frustrating it is to run beside a girl in a sports-bra who seems to be giggling as she jogs, while you puke on the sidewalk in your oversized t-shirt. (I’m looking at you Becca Feagin.) Other things I’ve thought of involve me wanting to straight blow-up the train that passes my house every half hour during the night and never fails to toot it’s horn MULTIPLE TIMES right as it crosses my window, shaking the walls of my house while I scream “GET BEHIND ME SATAN!” from beneath my pillow.

I digress.

Honestly though, life is funny. Everyone lives this completely different reality and none of them can really ever coincide. I can never get someone to FULLY understand how I feel and what I think. Probably because not even I know how I feel and what I think most days. Don’t get me wrong; one of the biggest blessings in this world is to be able to walk alongside others through the ups and downs and twists and turns of life. To love and be loved. However, we are each living our own story – I can’t have yours and you can’t have mine, and sometimes the story includes the same people over and over again and sometimes it moves you across the country to walk (or ski) with people you’ve never met.

Some of the greatest people I know live in Texas, some live in Colorado or Florida or Tennessee. Even Louisana which is baffling. Futher, one actually lives in New York…which is a phenomenon because there can probably only be one good person in New York at a time. New York is the anti of everything I value in life (sweatpants/nature&outdoors/naps/etc.) Some of my friends are terribly happy, some frustrated, some mad as hell, some wondering what’s next, and some exhausted to the point that it manifests in what appears as drunkenness.

Everyone’s problem is how we are going to spend this one odd and precious life that we have been issued. Whether we are going to push, and stress, and fight to the top trying to achieve whatever goal it is that we think will quiet the throbbing ache and anxiety inside us. Or whether we are going to stop, rest, taste and smell life, enjoy it, and figure out who we really are as opposed to who we think we are supposed to be.

Some advice, maybe:

I don’t know where you are right now, if you are hurting or crying or laughing or dancing or doing drugs in the girls bathroom, but I do know that you are not the sum of whatever it is that you think defines you. Unless of course, you think that God defines you…in which case you would be spot on correct and you should immediately consider stopping the drugs. In the end we are all exactly as God says we are, despite every achievement and every rejection or failure. And God says we are fiercely loved. And, while it’s extremely hard to believe during these hard times of the mundane 8-5 schedule, we are free. We are here to love and be loved, freely.

I don’t know about you but I think sometimes I get caught up running the rat wheel. And WE ALL KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT RUNNING. (See paragraph 1.) And lately, I’ve remembered that life isn’t about being famous or making money or gaining respect from people who actually could care less because, for me, I feel best when I’m not doing much. When I’m in nature preferably by a campfire with beloved other souls, or very quiet, or paradoxically, listening to music. That’s when I can sit back and remember that I am here for a purpose, and that purpose is not to become “the best version of myself.” I am here to love and be loved, and to glorify the One who created me for exactly that.

So for shit’s sake, let’s all lighten up. Can we all agree that nothing feeds the spirit like a sense of humor? We should just try to laugh a lot - at everything, and travel…and rest. Try yoga. Try a different form of yoga where you just lie around as much as possible. Do that yoga in a hammock outside under a big tree and read a book. Calm down. Pray alot. And when things are hard, we are free to cry hard, pressing into suffering in hopes that there is a future glory where pain doesn’t exist. And let’s do something for people who need help, because the day is coming where you are that person. Be thankful. And let’s stop being so asthmatic with anxiety because that just culminates in us wasting this gift that is life. Also, it ends in wrinkles, and fatal diseases caused from stress.

If you hear nothing else: Get to know Jesus. He is infinitely and eternally worth it. Read the bible and just find out about Him. Ask one of your friends who knows Him. Ask Him about himself. Ask him what he thinks about you. He is crazy, and amazing, and perfect, and worthy of our worship. Jesus is the only thing that makes our human existence REALLY mean something; it is only through him that we are able to enter into something of significance that is much, much bigger than ourselves.

Finally as one of my favorite authors so BEAUTIFULLY advises: “Refuse to wear uncomfortable pants, even if they make you look really thin. Promise me you’ll never wear pants that bind or tug or hurt, pants that have an opinion about how much you’ve just eaten. The pants may be lying! There is way too much lying and scolding going on politically right now without your pants getting in on the act, too.”

In conclusion: wear sweat pants. That will solve most of your problems right there.

Tim Riggins and Texarkana

Over the past week, I hopped a plane back to the greatest place on earth (TEXAS) and got to see some of my favorite of all people and also got the privilege of losing at least 5 pounds in sweat. Luckily I had no problem making up for that deficit and more by eating my weight in every type of meat possible cooked on the grill, thanks to my oldest broskie, Kaleb – our family’s personal chef. The vacation came at a perfect time and was much needed, and I couldn’t have been happier to spend time with the people I love so dearly.

I got to see Becca Feagin and eat the most fantastic sandwich of my life, and then stay in Beef’s new house in Dallas like a real life housewife. I even did dishes! Note: staying at the HOUSE (including husband/backyard/dog/casseroles/matching dishes) of your childhood friend is one of the weirdest things to experience in my life to date. SHE MADE A CASSEROLE, Y’ALL! A CASSEROLE! That is some serious grown-up stuff.

Anyways, I talked with Becca for hours and was, as always, incredibly encouraged, and then I laughed with Beef all night long eating her casserole and reminisced about the days when we lived within driving distance, or biking distance. I ached to spend more time with each of them, and it only made my heart hurt more to have to leave so abruptly. Vacations never last long enough. And being in Texas never fails to confuse my sense of reality.

The rest of my time in the great state was spent in Texarkana alongside the idiots that I call family - the most incredible group of crazies that I know and the people whom I love most in this world. They are the BEST. Let me tell you. I got to see my youngest broskie, Roman, pitch the winning game of the Regional SemiFinal baseball game, and then got to post his picture all over social networking sites. I got to listen to Carson play guitar and sing songs and laugh and be the same exact 18 year old that I once was, and swelled with pride over how similar we are. And then feel nauseous about it. I got to stay up all night talking to my best friend on the planet, in the form of my littlest sister, and then fall asleep on her as she took me back to the airport. I remembered how much I adore her, and how we have more fun than any two people, ever. I sat in the swing on the back porch haven with Mom, Trudy and Grandmommy surrounded by entirely too many dogs and enjoyed the Texas heat. Was showered with love and got to once again admire the work that God is doing in and through each of them. And then every night I got to sit at a table eating the most delicious food that Kaleb had grilled and laugh with him about everything that’s crazy in this world.

Carson and Roman had a redneck graduation party out at the ranch and despite the fact that my mom wore pink sparkly toms, everything else was definition rural Texas. We decorated everything with antlers. ANTLERS. And mason jars. You never know how much you miss a lifestyle until it is no longer your lifestyle. And I do love me some antlers.

We played disc golf. We got snowcones. We went to Icehouse. We played shuffleboard. We drove the jeep with the top down. We hammocked. We ate too much. We sweated. We cuddled pups. We watched movies, and we watched about 239084 hours of FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS – the best TV show in the Universe, to date. And I drooled over Tim Riggins.

It’s weird being in the place where I grew up, and looking around to discover that (right now) this isn’t my reality. Texas is a memory, a place of comfort and security and happiness overflowing, but at the time is not the place to which God has called me. It is weird to look around at the people who know the depths of my soul, and to get on a plane to fly what seems like a million miles away from them. It’s weird, and it’s frustrating.

But, last night, as I flew back to my life here in Denver, I was met with 4 of the most amazing of friends. My family here. My little crew of crazy people. And I know that, for now, God has me exactly where he wants me. Because he is good. And he is in control. And I kind of love him for it. Because I kind of love it here. For now, at least.

Here is a photo documentation of my time in Texas that I basically never wanted to end.

This last picture here is Roman's debut on the front page of the sports section in today's paper.  HE'S FAMOUS YALL!!!!!!!!  Good luck to the Hawks tonight as they hope to clinch another State appearance for PG baseball.  And good luck of course to the cutest side-armed pitcher in the whole wide world.  (Read: ROMAN)  Clear eyes, full hearts, CANT LOSE!!

The Good Life

Life has been a box of freakin’ chocolates lately, and ‘I’m loving it’. (Trademark: McDonalds) Yeah I just quoted McDonalds. I’M VULNERABLE. And as of just now, embarrassed.

Let’s start again.

The other day, I was looking for easy ways to be happier. Simple changes. Things that don’t require a prescription. I found quite a few. Apparently, little things like making your bed every morning or watching less TV can boost happiness. But I wanted something I might actually try.

OKAY, one more time.

The past few weeks have made me realize why I love Colorado and my friends and life here. The only exception is that Lee is avoiding me/us. We haven’t seen him in like…4 days. He probably has some crap excuse like he was “hanging out with his friend that he only sees once every 2 years” but I’m not buying it. Lee is a pathological liar. Everyone else (completely excluding Lee) has been totally cool.

Take Sunday for instance. It rained. Rainy, cold Sundays are for crafting and baking.

…That might have been the most blatant lie I have ever posted on this blog.

Rainy, cold Sundays are actually for watching TV shows and movies between naps, pleased to finally have an excuse not to leave the house. This Sunday was no different except that we had to add in a trip to the airport to pick Lindsay up from her last minute Texas wedding extravaganza. (An event that I am still quite offended that I was not invited to, regardless of the fact that I don’t remember the names of the newly wedded couple who I have never met.)

Also, Karla basically cut her finger off while preparing lunch.

That’s an exaggeration, but she did stab herself THROUGH the skin of an avocado and we had to take her to the ER. And by ER, I mean a crying Karla and I sat in the living room as I held back vomit and bandaged her finger and then wrapped it in a paper towel. I was the only person at home so I really had to step up. I totally nailed it. The whole thing ended up being a pivotal moment in my life because for the first time, I became acutely aware that when my future children have bloody injuries - I actually do have the capacity to not demand that they stay away from me in fear of my impending nausea.

Thankfully, Rebecca got home soon after to completely dismantle my paper towel splint and put something on there that might actually work. Conclusion: Rebecca is the best during emergencies.

Besides that, it was a typical rainy Sunday. We watched ‘Crazy Stupid Love’ and ate Tokyo Joe’s while lounging on the couch. I napped somewhere in there. And that’s basically it. Call me crazy (most people that know me would) but that is my definition of a great day.

Some important things to note:

I saw The Avengers. And since we all know that the only thing I love more than TV is the movies, I loved it. Mostly because of Robert Downey Jr. I am totally in love with him.

LEE CHRISTOPHER MICHAEL (3 first names) HAS A BIRTHDAY THIS WEEKEND!! I won’t mention his age because I have kind of taken the age jokes over the top as of lately. But old is old. Ah hell with it, he is drawing really close to AARP and I googled “gifts for elderly people” trying to brainstorm ideas. Come May 19, please send him text messages, but please do not get angry with him if he is slow to respond. This kind of technology is all really new to him, and it’s likely that his vision is failing.

I am listening to country music in preparation for my upcoming (hallelujah) TEXAS VACATION.

The State Track Meet is this weekend. GO VALOR!

**Lindsay Behnke is a volunteer for a refugee camp and is hosting a “Photographic Storytelling project by refugee women in Denver.” If you live in Denver, you totally need to check it out. Website here: http://www.refugeecrafts.com/ You should be most excited for the ethnic dances. From what I hear, Lindsay will be dressed in traditional Bhutanese garb showcasing American ethnic dance moves (pop, lock, drop / stanky leg). COME!

I started running again. It sucks the same amount! Nothing has changed!


Okay that’s really all I have. I cannot think of a single other thing to list. See you guys on the flipside.

***BREAKING***: Lee Michael just used the term “sumbitch” as in: the southern slang for “son of a bitch” while texting me. And with that, I must admit…Lee—I miss you.

Mother's Day

Technically the definition of me as a small child was: “selfish and loud force (much like a tornado) that will destroy your house and a large portion of your social life, while constantly demanding food, your attention, and an endless stream of praise/affirmation ” …and Betsy still thought I was worth the hassle. This is reason enough to celebrate Mother’s Day. Surviving me was an accomplishment.

To fully appreciate Betsy Brown-Rice (my lovely mom), I have compiled a list of some of my favorite memories that we have shared throughout my short 24 years.

1. THE SEX TALK: Bets and I both could probably agree on how little we BOTH wanted to talk about it, but when Haley Burson told me you had to have to have sex in order to have kids...I was shell-shocked and needed someone to disprove this horrifying news. To my knowledge, you said a prayer and God would give you a kid when He knew you were ready for one. So naturally I asked Betsy to clear things up. The conversation began and right there in her bathroom, my mom and I buckled up because regardless of how much it was going to suck…this shit was going to happen. Anyways, long story short – I ended up crying in my closet and my mom lost the privilege of speaking to me for the rest of the week.

2. LUNCH BOX: Everyone at PGMS would unanimously agree that I had the best sack-lunches. My mom would put sandwich ingredients into separate baggies to assemble at lunchtime so that my sandwich would not get soggy. Also I had a full plastic baggy of sugar to dip my fresh strawberries into…which come to think, may actually be part of the reason I have a sugar addiction to this day. Anyways on top of it all, Bets would leave a handwritten note of some sort, which was sweet and also helped me to fake her signature on permission slips and to disprove Santa Claus later in life.

3. PREGNANCY AND CURFEW: As a kid, I had a strict curfew to which I never abided. My excuses were very innocent usually, like ‘I was jumping off Britton’s roof into her pool.’ Anyways, it was the rule that when I got home, I had to come and tell mom that I was home safe. That usually ended in her bursting into my room in a panic later that night at 3AM and shaking me to make sure I wasn’t dead. That actually happened when I was a baby, and is only slightly exaggerated for my teenage years. So, to remedy the problem, I started saying “Mom, its Allyson - your first born daughter. I’m home. It’s 10:30 (lie...it was 11) and its FRIDAY. Do you comprehend this?” The best response I ever got was “Okay, honey…go and tell your sister that you are pregnant.”

What was shocking about this was both that I was clearly not pregnant at age 15, but also that she seemed so casual and nonchalant about my breaking this news to a 12 year old Brittney. Which I promptly did: “Britt, mom said to tell you I am pregnant. Goodnight.” She handled it surprisingly well.

4. RICE RABBITS: Betsy, at what I can only assume was an early-mid-life-crisis, thought that having a dog in our home wasn’t enough. (This would later work itself out in having MULTIPLE DOGS OF THE SAME BREED IN OUR HOUSE. How many you may ask?  SIX. Which by definition is hoarding.) In this case, and in order to have the complete childhood experience package, we apparently needed bunnies. BUNNIES! So we adopted Clover, Thumper, and Fluffy. Fluffy was Carson’s rabbit and he suffered from post-traumatic-stress-disorder after Carson played catch with him when he was a baby…but that’s a different story.

Let me tell you something about bunnies….they poop every 5 seconds. And they pee all over each other, which becomes very obvious when they have white fur. And when your friends come over, you have to take them to see the rabbits in the new outdoor cage (with a polka dotted sign that read “Rice Rabbits”) and the bunnies will poop and pee on everything and then look at you with their floppy ears like “OMG ISN’T THIS AWESOME?! WHO ARE YOUR FRIENDS!!?”

…Skip to the end of the story - you will send them away to live on a ‘farm.’

5. FAMILY VACATION: My family is very fond of the beach. On the strict contrary, my family is not fond of luxury traveling. We choose to instead pile every human being alive into a single vehicle, and drive from dawn to dusk, or until our legs fall off from cramping, or until someone kills someone else. It’s the Brown-Rice WAY. Anyways, on one particular year, we set out for the beach (8 people, one vehicle) without any sort of direction as to how to get there. Because of course we would. We got about an hour into our drive, when my mom looked over and said “Do you know where we are going? Because I don’t.” It hadn’t occurred to anyone that we should bring a map or at the very least – print off directions from mapquest. (Keep in mind this is before smart phones).  "All I know is that we were supposed to go East."  BRILLIANT.


All kidding aside, Betsy did THE BEST job at being a mom, because none of us turned into dangerous sociopaths, and none of us have died under her watch (so far). Not to mention, she is the sole reason that we are not complete selfish idiots.  I suspect that she might be the best mom in the world based on her kindness, selflessness, and sheer capacity for unconditional love.  And because she raised ME.  Without going completely insane.  *NOTE: I am not entirely sure how much of her superhuman patience was out of love, and how much was simply self-preservation from the psychotic episodes of both me and my father.

Anyways, it is my recommendation that we take this entire weekend (and the rest of our damn lives - Brittney, Carson - Im looking at you) to appreciate Betsy Brown-Rice for everything that she did, does, and is doing. Because she is really a rockstar.

Happy Mother's Day MOM!  You are ALWAYS deeply loved and only sometimes deeply crazy (and with that, we've finally found our common denominator).  Truly, we wouldn't know what to do without you!!  Do something crazy this weekend. Because YOU are the boss of YOU.

To read more reasons to love Betsy, check out my blog from this time last year:  Found HERE

24 Years Later

24 years later and not that much has changed.  Some things I still have in common with myself include (but are not limited to) the following list.

1. I still wear awesome costumes to parties:

2. Still think eating healthy is the bane of my existence.

3. Still obviously very lady-like:

4. I still love birthday cake, being the center of attention, blowing out candles, and having all my friends in one place:

5. I still listen to all the best music:

6.  It still feels good to be a gangsta:

7. STILL HAVE GREAT (Texas-style) HAIR!  Still have a love-hate relationship with bangs.

8. I still have impeccable style (sweat pants) and fairly consistent hygiene habits.

 9. I still love piggy back rides, and usually laugh louder than whats socially acceptable:

10.  I still despise purses, but rock a backpack:

 11. I still don't want no scrubs:

12.  Still really love nature and being outside...quickly turning into a Colorado tree-hugger:

13. I still am extremely prideful about being from TEXAS:

14. I am still unbelievably accident prone, sometimes ending in a scabbed (or broken) nose.  Also, still got it artistically and have the capability to look like a different race when exposed to the sun:

15. Still hate cats:

16. I still love summertime, road trips, and traveling....even in very retro campers:

17. I still severely over-react to great birthday presents:

 18. Still like to wear matching clothes with Britt.  Still prefer off brand yoga pants:

19. Still actually find it quite easy being cheesy. Still think this bald baby is the greatest person to grace this earth:

20.  Still absolutely freakin' nuts and a total wack job...not looking to change anytime soon:

Lets do this, 24.  Bring it on. 

Blog Hiatus Concluded

After a month-long blogging hiatus, I am back and with even less to say. Some things that have happened include: me doing the same thing that I do every day, for about 4 weeks now. Oh, breaking news: I went to a party on a weekend and I wore a floral dress, so that is a new accomplishment both because I dressed like a girl on purpose and also because I made the conscious decision to leave the house on a Saturday night instead of fall asleep at 8PM watching “Friday Night Lights” after an all-day track meet. It was a triumph and I rewarded myself with watching TV all day the next day while laying around and eating full bags of chips. Victory. Is. Mine.

 My adventurous lifestyle came to a screeching halt upon accepting job #2, but only for a short period of time. It has been worth every single minute, but I don’t have as much to write about now that the crew is no longer planning a weekend trip to the mountains every Friday/Saturday. Snowboard season is over, and Rebecca made us take down the Lee-shrine in our living room. Curses. I am knee deep in responsibility and life is moving along with brutal swiftness. (Alas, summer is near!)

 Some other notable updates:

I read Matt Chandler’s new book, “The Explicit Gospel” and naturally, loved it. It’s a lot like a compilation of all his sermons and the Good Lord knows I love a good Matt Chandler sermon. I am once again left blown away by the majesty of my God. And even more baffled as to how I could constantly wonder away from Him on a daily basis. I could drown in my inadequacy and yet God’s grace stretches further still.

I’ve done laundry approximately 4 times in the last month, and each time I pile the clean clothes from the dryer on my bed like a strange trophy made of mostly sweatpants. It’s like a prize I give to myself for my personal achievement of cleaning my own clothes. And then, because I sleep very violently - like I am being strangled - all the clean clothes wind up on the floor and I end up raging angry in the mornings when I can’t find my black tights.

 I cannot tell you how close I am to going crazy while doing the career thing. It’s exhausting. I am at the point in my full time job where I wish my co-worker, Lindsay, would set fire to the place in order to distract everyone as I snuck out to (once again) take a nap in my car. But she won’t do that because Lindsay is very unhelpful.

 Speaking of, Lindsay Behnke is now officially my co-worker, and that makes me a little less likely to drive my car into the side of the building so as to escape the 9-5 routine. In her own words, she is running this workplace like a gerbil runs in a plastic ball in his cage. I couldn’t be more proud of her. 

Tried Greek food, again. Liked it.

 Tried other forms of sushi. Hated it.

 IMPORTANT: I discovered two new artists, with the help of my littlest sister and Lee(balls). Please do yourself a favor and download Ben Howard’s entire album “Every Kingdom” and The Lumineers self-titled album. It will be the best thing you do this week. My favorites are “Old Pine,” “Keep your Head Up” and “Ho Hey.” Its…just….phenomenal.

I’ve gotten quite a few phone calls lately from telemarketers asking me if I want things that I would never in a million years ever want. But what concerns me more than anything is that these robotic jerks don’t even start the conversation with a “hello.” (Which is upsetting to me because a greeting is a basic building block of polite society and is one of the only things that separate us from bears.) And not to mention, no I do not want a magazine subscription – I cannot stress this enough. My nemesis may or may not be behind this.

 I planned a trip home to Texas in May and also planned for 3 out of 4 sibs to come and visit me in Denver in June. Both are big events that I am counting down the minutes to in antsy anticipation.


With all of those updates behind us, I can feel free to tell you that I have kind of been in a fog. A haze, if you will. I am right at the cusp of my 24th birthday and I am really hoping that this isn’t my quarter-life crisis rearing its head a year too early.

 Life, to my utter annoyance, is designed to move forward. We aren’t created to stand still, to be stagnant, or to hover. Also, there is no chance of going back to the “good old days.” I’m not particularly a fan of this consistent change. I constantly feel the need to hang onto what has suddenly become the past. Nothing exemplified this horror more than the day after Beef's wedding. However, change is inevitable. People get married, have kids, and move across the country (my fault). And this current, breathless moment will never be quite the same.

 But in times like these when I feel like life is whirling past me at a million miles an hour, I can skype my friend Beef and laugh until my stomach hurts about the pains of growing up, gaining weight, and being 24...and suddenly, for this moment - everything is going to be okay. Because God sends mercy and grace in the form of friendships and video chatting.

 Thank you Brittany Forrester for making me laugh until I cry and for hanging out with me (virtually) when It was exactly what I really needed.