Yoga

Being an athlete for however many odd years would make you believe that I like working out. And I do like working out but ONLY when the actual work out is over. That’s right…I like the way I feel after I work out, but getting to the gym and actually performing the work out may as well be the bane of my existence.

And also, right about the time when I have blocked out a time period to work out, is when my ever so clever brain tries to trick me out of going by using the tactic of distraction. Its only right around the time I am supposed to work out that I realize that the trunk of my car MUST BE CLEANED. PRONTO.

Anyways…some of my trendy friends have been getting into yoga. And its not that I have something against the idea of yoga, except that…well I do. There’s lots of different types of yoga, my least favorite of which called “hot yoga”, and you don’t even want to know what that shiz consists of. (Basically doing backbends in a sauna)…umm NO THANK YOU. Not to mention all the soft voices and meditation lingo that….at some level calms me, and at another level…infuriates me.

Anyways being on a healthy kick and living in the healthiest state in America has got me trying all sorts of new stuff, including yes, you guessed it….yoga.

The first problem that I have with it is that the instructor, lets call her….Helga, thinks that I have the ability to balance like a Asian karate enthusiast, and the truth of the matter is that, I have a real problem with balancing on one foot, wrapping my other foot into my pelvis and weaving my hands through each other while extending them over my back.

Helga’s notorious for getting herself into this position where she’s balancing on her tailbone… I cuss at her when she does it which is awkward thanks to the no talking phenomena, and try and try again, but my body physically cannot do this position. Maybe my tailbone was not created to be balanced on, HUH HELGA!? She tells me it’s ok if I can’t do it and I think, damn straight it’s ok, this is not a position for humans to be in.

I seem to be the only participant who knows that she’s only smiling so she won’t cry because it hurts so bad. She also has been known to let go of her legs and put her arms straight up in the air while her legs are still in the air… even more impossible.

Anyways, to conclude, I think that yoga is un-American. That crap needs to be contained in China or wherever it originated. Brian Regan agrees:

I also really appreciated this: http://www.serradinho.com/Blog/funny-yoga-for-drunks.htm

I gotta get some sleep, I have a yoga class tomorrow morning.....NAMASTE.