BEEFO LATEX

Ten things/facts to know about Beef (SHOUT OUT)

1. Beef graduated before everyone else in our group of friends, and has a baller job in alcohol sales. Both of which are ironic because: 1) In high school she complained that she “hoped to make an A” and co-coined the phrase “stupid math”…but then ended up changing her hair from blonde to brown and schooling us all in our educations after graduating EARLY from UT, and 2) irony also lies in the fact that she was one of the 1% of high-school students that abstained from alcohol consumption and now gets paid the big bucks to drink.

2. Beef genuinely is concerned for her friends, like when they don’t get enough sleep or have 1 hour left to graduate and contemplate just not completing it….eh. She WILL call and remind you on a weekly basis to complete the course and inform you that you are being ridiculous and lazy if you don’t. Thanks to her I am now an actual graduate of Texas A&M University—which she supports regardless of the rivalry.

3. Beef NEVER fails to send a card whenever something big happens in your life. (One of my favorite characteristics.) She also gives really good gifts, like the elephant journal she just sent me in the mail as a congratulatory of my new job.

4. Beef is a soon to be bride. And somehow she agreed to let me stand next to her on the most important day of her life as she says “I do” to her best friend, Dustin. As honored as I am, I assume that praying that I do not trip and fall in the heels that she is forcing me to wear will be in the top 5 on the ‘could ruin the wedding’ list. I am already praying for coordination and balance. No doubt her wedding will probably grace the cover of a big shot magazine because it’s going to be perfect. So blessed to be a part of it…and CANT WAIT.

5. Beef’s hair is stripper long. And still looks healthy—none of that old blush brush shiZ.

6. Beef has better fashion sense than anyone that I know, and often has to help me out in my frequent fashion crises, which is a daunting task if you know how much fashion sense I have. Which is none. (Along these lines, you should know that she asked to borrow my clothes for a sociology project in 10th grade where she was asked to dress the opposite of how you would normally dress and wear something to school that you would never wear in real life. She wore my infamous sweat pants…..that I still wear…)

7. Beef is honest and blunt, and does NOT put up with sketchy behind the scenes behavior—I should know, thank you to my senior year of high school. I think she also coined the term ‘sketch’ which is now used worldwide, so she might as well be famous. She will be straight up with you from the beginning and will absolutely not shade out on you. She is dependable, and loyal to the end.

8. Beef makes the list of top 5 funniest people that I know. She can make me laugh so hard, and when we are together it’s a 100% guarantee for non-stop laughter. Especially XMAS BREAK 2009—will anything ever top it? *Also gracing that list are Ember Callaway, Tiffany Chillion, Brent Bunch, and Savannah Rowland.

9. Beef really listens to me, and sometimes takes advice from me, regardless if it is good or bad advice. Some examples are: the time I convinced her parents to let her get her ears pierced (GOOD), and the time I told her to get a weenie dog (BAD)—oops, we have FIVE in our family. Or there was the time I convinced her to turn off all the lights and stop the fan before I agreed to get out of bed in the mornings (BAD/selfish). Or the time I told her she should move to Colorado (GOOD)---still pending on the answer.

10. Beef is my home best friend and basically adopted me into her family for all of middle school; I like to think I am still a part of it along with our other adopted sisters, Cara Rochelle and Emily Middleton. We have known each other since 3rd grade when she was the first one to wear a bra and I still sometimes forget to this day. I lived at her house and we stayed up all night talking and laughing. She used to be up at the crack of dawn to “WASH HER FACE” and ‘shave pits’-(second time to publicly embarrass her), but she is now one to sleep later than even me. (things change) Beef is reliable and always there for me. She is obviously like one of the prettiest people ever and is going to have pretty and perfect babies to whom I will be a Godmother, since it’s going to be a while until I have kiddos of my own. She is the greatest and I cannot be thankful enough that God introduced us while I was wearing a speedo one piece bathing suit and a pink snap belt, and she had on the green and yellow waves and the haley fomby cut. GOD IS GOOD and knew that it would be an alliance from that day forward which would last through thick and thin.

Let the memories begin:

3rd grade trip to Beavers Bend: crawfish hunting!


Braces and bowl cut in the 4th grade...cant wait for all the crap Beef will give me for this little treasure.


FOLLIES! Beef in dark purple, me in light purple. and GO GO boots, no doubt. (*Note: we were featured in the Texarkana Gazette for our performance, and everyone was supposed to bring their sequined skirt and have their hair fixed and make up on on the day of the photo shoot/interview. I forgot my sequined skirt, had my hair in a messy bun and didnt own make up. Hell, I probably hadnt even brushed my teeth. I distinctly remember Beef letting me know that my hair looked jank.) Clearly some things dont change. Although I seemed to have pulled it together for the actual performance--my hair looks curled.


PROM 2006...look at my arm compared to hers. Also check out the BLONDE.


Beefs wall of fame in the backgroud....Queen of Teen.


Freshman year of college before I knew what eyebrow waxing was.


ACL 2009


OMG LAKEVIEW. Hardest I have ever laughed in my LIFE in the bathroom with no lights. And the lady that resembled "gayle" in her bedazzled cowgirl outfit.


And the all time greatest picture of Beef and I. That is, until NYE 2011.



It’s been a good 15 years of knowing you, Beef. Couldn’t love you any more.

Low Point

My not so subtle reminder that things can ALWAYS be worse. Hence:

Humor Helps

So I am sitting at Panera Bread and I was fortunate enough to get a booth, which automatically forced a sigh of relief because it’s been a long day, and tables with chairs are far inferior to booths. Everyone knows this. In fact, if you were to choose a table over a booth when both were available, I would have a hard time trusting any other future decision that you made in life.

Anyways I told Megan that I was having trouble posting a deep blog, which is weird because that’s all I used to post. I really more enjoy writing the funny ones these days (mostly for reasons that are not as holy as I’d wish) as I am absolutely brilliant about hiding behind humor. And I like to think I am getting funnier judging by a really good joke that I made tonight during the Bachelor with James and Tom. They repaid me by covering my car in gummy bears. Touche, my friends.

I digress.

Things have been pretty intense lately, and seeing that the three people who read this blog are very close to me, I assume you already know the trauma going on in my life. Which thankfully saves me from having to spill it on the WWW. I’d like to say thanks to you people who always seem to pull me through. Thanks for planning trips to see me and being willing to drive to Colorado if/when I need you to tell me I am not crazy. I hope you all know I would make a Texas road trip before you could snap your fingers, if need be. I might do that even if you don’t need me.

Once again though, I am in awe of the resources and tools that the Lord uses to pull me through hard times. I don’t want to repeat the same things that I have said in this blog over and over again, but I can’t say enough how utterly speechlessly grateful I am for my core group of (mostly little) soul mates who make me feel loved when I am at my absolute worst. I’mtearing up typing this. Okay, I’m not, but I could be.

This weekend goes down in the books for emotional. I swear to you, I can go from thinking I am worthy of kingdoms to making myself cry like the elementary school bully by the swing set on the playground. If you didn’t know, my inner dialogue only runs at two speeds: extreme flattery or extreme criticism. Make that 3 speeds, the third being extreme sympathy for myself. #3 was the most prominent this weekend. So, in response, my littlest sister (who was also a little off her rails) and I once again banded together for sanity and Lord knows she is my rock. Brittney (SHOUT OUT) after a vent/rant/rage is the person who tells me to watch Ellen DeGeneres when I can’t pull my crap together and warns me of the effects of watching Criminal Minds when I am in a fragile state. And we all know how high her percent rate is of being right. FACT: Humor heals.

INSERT SIDE NOTE: I believe that strong emotions are backed by strong language. At least in my life. And therefore I justify my choice words that were used in the conversation with my littlest sister. I know, I know: if Christians say cuss words birds supposedly fall out of the sky, but I would like to challenge that with the fact that I am 100% sure that because most of Jesus’ disciples were fisherman (READ: sailors) that they had potty mouths. (Hence the popular phrase: curse like a sailor) And these were the dudes Jesus hung with 24/7. Seems to me that he didn’t really appreciate all the flattery from the Pharisees with their ‘holier than thou’ mouths, eh? And I refuse to use alternate curse words like dang and stink when I am in an all out, rage. I am sorry but if you curse by saying “Piddle Paddle!” like my 80 year old grandmother, or scream “OH Stink!” when there is a terrorist attack at your school, and you are organizing the football team to fight them off, then you just sound like Ned Flanders. Also please note that people will most likely be more pissed at your substitution cuss word than if you just go ahead and use the real thing. I mean…everyone is in a panic in this scenario. Let’s just shoot each other straight here. And so, in my defense, I am just following in the steps of the disciples. (Cue: extreme flattery)

Back to all seriousness, I couldn’t ask for more support once again from my tiny friends, B&M. Brutal honesty mixed with constant compassion makes them an unstoppable duo. Thanks always, you two. God knows where I would be without your constant love and support, and your ability to laugh with me instead of Jesus juke me, (Christian version of Debbie Downer) and accuse me of being unholy for sharing my junk or tell me that “all things happen for a reason”. (Disclaimer: I think Jesus should be talked about all the time, that our conversations should be saturated with Him, but to clarify—there is a time and place to throw the “all things happen for a reason” card.)

I wish I could understand how I stumbled into accountability like the kind I know. When I am dirty, brokenhearted, downcast, and hopeless I have people around me (farther away than I’d like) to pick me up and tell me things are going to be okay, all while lacing some strategic affirmation in there knowing that my insecure heart needs all the help it can get. They know that I just need them to vocally tell me I am awesome, even though some of them feel more loved by me if I mop their floor. Love languages (aside from words of affirmation) are a modern day mystery, I tell you. Anyways I wish I could wrap my mind around the God who deemed me worthy of being loved so well. I am so unworthy by all other standards. All I can offer is my full heart filled with love for each of you little life-savers. (or in Meg’s case—jolly rancher)

I am going to be honest with you, blog world, because to my knowledge you have never lied to me. Except for that one time that you told me I could not change the email address linked to this blog. But all is forgiven and I have decided to be the bigger person in that circumstance.

So, in brutal honesty, I don’t know how the God of the Universe accepts me back every time I run and hide. I constantly walk away, get distracted, and forsake my first love. Constantly fall short. And I just want to say, since I know that JC (SHOUT OUT) reads my blog before it ever gets posted, that I am so sorry for not loving You in the radical manner that You are worthy of. Please know that my wicked heart loves You in every way that I know possible. I think You are the greatest. I think You are the most awesome man who ever lived, and I want You to know that I desperately want to love You more than I do. I long for the day that I can just hang-out with You and drink cherry limeades as I know those will be in heaven, and I am stoked to worship the God that You are for eternity. And I just want to say that you must be some kind of wonderful to love someone like me so persistently. PS. Anytime you’d like to head it on back to earth and rapture us up, equipped with sword from mouth and tattoo on thigh, I highly support that day coming sooner than later. Things are crazy down here.

Anyways I think God is a lot bigger than I make him out to be.

Among my other musings, I also think that I hate change and do not handle it well regardless of if this change is good or bad. Lorrie told me tonight that anytime that there is a big change in our life, our brain automatically registers it as a loss. Regardless if we are upgrading to a better life, we still are wired to over sensationalize what we have lost. While I am happy beyond description here in the fabulous CO, and blessed beyond measure, I all too often mourn over the things, friends, relationships that I have lost. And when that pain comes, it’s like a stinging pain in the gut, a swift dagger to the soul who’s grip can sometimes take my breath away. Do you people
know this feeling? I pray you don’t, but I know too many people who do.

Anyways there is really not a good concluding point to this post except that life is hard sometimes, and God is always good.

And that really happy people can be really sad sometimes.

And that it might be okay to slip a cuss word in extreme circumstances like if someone runs over your dog.

And that all we DO need is love.

And that friends really are friends forever if the Lord’s the Lord of them.

And that it is the most excruciating pain of all having to say goodbye to someone that you love, regardless of why you are saying goodbye.

And that accountability is worth it, no matter how much distance is between you.

And that you really should make new friends, but keep the old, one being silver, the other, gold.

And that booths are 100% better than tables.

And that love languages are confusing if they are not words of affirmation.

And that God loves immensely regardless of actions, emotions, feelings and that our worth is not defined by our success OR our failure.

And finally, that people should watch Ellen DeGeneres stand-up comedy when they can’t pull their crap together.

5 Things

5 Things that I like:
1 TiVo/DVR.
2 New car smell or even just a good car wash. (Not performed by me)
3 Avocados on my sandwich.
4 Having a job that I dont hate going to every day.
5 CHI hair straighteners.

5 Things that I don't like:
1 Waiting on or for anyone/anything for more than 10 seconds.
2 Gasping for air (I.E. running....or even brisk walking in this altitude).
3 The iphone & the fact that you cannot: 1. respond to a group text without sending a personalized text to everyone included in the original message, and 2. the fact that it does not recognize "hell" and changes it to "he'll" every. single. effing. time. Hell is real, IPHONE.
4 AT&T and its curse on Colorado phone service.
5 Traffic. In general. It never fails to grieve me and shock me that I am in standstill between the hours of 5-7 EVERY NIGHT....which usually leads to a long strand of curse words. Which then leads to a long conversation with the Lord Jesus Christ trying to explain why I have such a potty mouth/mind. I think he understands and may or may not be just as frustrated with traffic as I am. (I submit that it is part of the fall).

5 Things that make me laugh:
1 Megan's blocked group on facebook chat entitled "Chat Happy Morons". SO. TRUE.
2 Alicia potentially naming her first son Justin Beaver.

3 Youtube.

4 Texts from Cara Rochelle.

5 Home videos.

5 Things that make me cry:
1 That Mark Harris song, "Find your Wings".
2 Losing State Championships in High School Athletics, but you know, you cant win em all. I know that for a fact because I played freshman year basketball on a team that once lost 94-14.
3 Cats in costumes….makes me so furious that it brings tears.
4 The “Spirit of Aggieland” promo video that plays before football games. I usually wear sunglasses though to avoid embarrassment. OBVIOUSLY.

5 When I get overly frustrated, or over heated. SO basically any time that I try and run and realize I am slow and no longer athletic. *See also, #3 on things I don’t like. Needed to really drive this one home.

BONUS: Terrorism

5 People that I respect:
1 Ty Burris (Phil Dunphy).
2 Any Texas A&M graduate (WHOOP!).
3 The Mumford and Sons band members.
4 Anyone who maintains a constant work out schedule.
5 Lady Gaga................okay her stuff is catchy, get off my back.

5 People that I do not respect:
1 Barack Obama. Dont. Get. Me. Started.
2 Anyone affiliated with the television show "Jersey Shore"
3 My 8th grade health teacher. Who doubled as my Home Ec Teacher. First she made us sew. Second she did not allow chatter while we sewed (we made stuffed animals). No talking while sewing in 8^th grade?…..Satan’s daughter I tell you. *She also made me over-stuff the elephant that I sewed, promising me that it would get softer with time/wear/tear. Well the elephant is still hard as a damn rock, thanks but no thanks to Ms. Hargis. Not going to get any cuddling in with that piece of crap.
4 The guy in the red Honda Civic today on I-25 who was clearly PMS-ing....you know who you are.
5 Anyone wearing anything bedazzled.

5 Things that I enjoy doing:

1 Sitting at Coffee shops (not to exceed 3 hours).

2 Watching TV shows that include but are not limited to Modern Family, Criminal Minds, Gossip Girl, 90210, Greys Anatomy, House, The Bachelor, &The Office.

3 Wedding planning with Beef and living vicariously through her love life.

4 Outdoor activities when and ONLY IF the temperature is equal to or above 60 degrees Fahrenheit. Otherwise I deem it “cold as shiZ” outside and try and avoid all contact with the outdoors.

5 Using rap lyrics in every day conversation with Blair.

5 Things that I do not enjoy doing:

1 Dressing up or putting on make up…any time, any where.

2 Finding zits on my face…like I am a pubescent teenager or something. I am 22, when does it END?

3 Cleaning the bathroom, my car, my closet, my room, any room, dishes, laundry, etc.

4 Watching concerts on DVD. COP OUT.

5 Abstaining from artificial sweeteners. Splenda makes things better.

5 Things that I am excited about:

1 The apocalypse/return of JC Himself. *CUE bridge diagram. Thanks Joe White.

2 My littlest sister coming to stay with me for a week and me trying to get out of as much work as possible during the time that she is here. Also convincing her that Denver is the place 2 B.

3 Taking a hip hop class. Auditioning for Step Up 4.

4 Any and all upcoming trips to Target.

5 The weather in Denver staying in the positives for another week. If that is not proof that there is a God, then I don’t know what is.

5 Things that I am not excited about:

1 The day I decide that its absolutely necessary for me to start working out again on a regular basis. It’s coming. I fear that day. My knees do too.

2 The day it gets too hot to consume chai tea lattes. (Luckily Colorado supports my addiction for longer than Texas).

3 The Bachelor Finale. …Which means the season is over, and then my Mondays will be filled with emptiness instead of with knee slapping, tear filled laughter.

4 Another summer at Kanakuk that I will be unable to attend.

5 My alarm clock going off at an ungodly hour tomorrow morning.

Be cool, stay in school.

Becca & Other Things

Today feels like a good day to blog. And so today, I would like to take some time to honor another (best) friend, Becca Feagin (SHOUT OUT).

Becca probably thinks blogs are silly and will probably never read this SHOUT OUT. But I think she deserves her own post regardless. Touche, my tiny friend.

Becca rollerblades to the Sonic Drive-Thru and gets a large water, extra lemons, and Sweet N Low, which she learned from me. Until I learned that artificial sweeteners are going to kill me. Now I just go straight for the Cherry Limeade.

Becca is the most confident person I know. Rightfully so.

Becca wrote me the best email today in response to the tear-filled vent session I had with her. She told me a lot of things I didn’t want to hear. And she said those things very bluntly. I even cried when I read her email. She was so harsh. And so RIGHT. I hate it when Becca is right…which she often is. That’s okay though, because she hates when I am right too. Which is also often.

Becca is the only person who could turn my ‘off and on’ crying episodes today into laughter. She is the only person who understands when I am miserable.

Becca is the most driven person I know.

Becca is the most honest person I know.

Becca is the most genuine & authentic person I know.

Becca loves the Lord harder than anyone that I have ever met.

Becca is faithful to call me out on sin. She quotes Beth Moore to me, and I cant argue with Beth Moore.

Becca runs forever and doesn’t get tired.

Becca likes to dance. She has a signature move which I stole from her and now use at various dance parties.

Becca is funny. And fun.

Becca pisses me off and can make me madder than most anyone. It's because she knows me too well.

Becca is the most spontaneous person I know.

Becca is my best friend. The one friend I have who when she says “I understand” I know that she really does.

Anyways, thanks to you Becca for being “my person” when no one ever understands…which is constantly. Thanks for keeping it real. Thanks for trying not to complain at how cold you are all the time knowing that my response will be the same every time. Thanks for telling me to shut up when I need to shut up and calling me out on my (all the time) lies. Thanks for validating and affirming me but still speaking truth. Thanks for not ever comparing us in sports knowing that you'd win and I cant handle losing. Thanks for not being girly. Thanks for making me more spontaneous that I really am. Thanks for letting me spill my guts to you and loving me the same. Thanks for visiting me in Colorado and for supporting me when I want to move across the country. Thanks for making me feel like I am loved. Thanks for speaking truth into my life. Thanks for running so fast. Thanks for always rocking the side ponytail...even to church. Thanks for letting me rationalize everything, but not with the big things that actually matter. Thanks for your brutal honesty (too much sometimes). Thanks for destroying my journal if I die sometime in the next 20 years. Thanks for being my bffaeaeaea. Thanks for not abbreviating sentences when you are around me because I dont understand jokes like "yolo" and I have to ask others for clarification. Thanks for not liking my sister better than me. Thanks for wearing sweats so often and not forcing me to dress up EVER. Thanks for knowing all the words to most rap songs. Thanks for teaching me how to pop my jeans. Thanks for not attending career fairs. Thanks for sitting with me for the 15 minutes before oceanography every day last year. Thanks for letting me stay the night whenever I want....on the couch. Thanks for lying for me...and to me. Thanks for basically everything.

In all honestly, I am so blessed by you and so incredibly thankful for your role in my life. I would not be who I am or where I am without your amazing accountability. You taught me what it means to be a REAL friend. I can never express enough gratitude to the God who made you exactly as you are.

In other news:

The bachelor never fails to amaze me. Best quote from last week “We are losing the sun, but we are gaining the moon.” If that isn’t poetry, then I don’t know what is.

I love Justin Bieber. I don’t want him to ever hit puberty. NEVER SAY NEVER.

Griffin House is my newest music obsession. I like them alot.

I will not stop raging anytime soon about the dream that I had last night which almost sent me over the edge this morning. Thanks to Becca, Brittney, and Meg I am now not as close to the edge.

I miss my Texas friends ALOT, but not so much Texas.

I want to snowboard every weekend, all weekend for the rest of my life.

It is unhealthy how much I watch Criminal Minds. I love Shemar Moore. Blair thinks I am a sicko for loving a show about serial killers. I dont care what Blair thinks.

I need to give up Starbucks. I am struggling with co-dependency on chai tea lattes.

I need to form a co-dependency on working out. LONG SHOT.

WELP. Its time for Modern Family and MODFAM waits for no one. So I am off to spend time with Phil Dunphy, whom I am secretly madly in love with. Peace out girl scouts.

Outrageously Blessed

I cant remember the last time that I was consciously as content and happy as I am right now. The Lord has so extravagantly blessed my life that I don't even know how to respond outside of utter and breathtaking awe. Let me explain.

I moved to Colorado on my own, although I tried to convince many of my friends to come wih....no one accepted the invitation.

The Lord ALONE has provided, ordained, given me a full time job. I actually love my job. I never thought that I would say that I love a 9-5 job, but in all honesty, I love it. I like going, I love the work that I do, and I ABSOLUTELY LOVE the people that I work with. My boss is amazing and hangs out with me like I am a friend, and she is amazing. I am so excited to work underneath her direction. I honestly love what I am doing and it as close to a dream job as I could possibly get. I am genuinely happy at my job from 9-5 on weekdays.

The Lord has provided FRIENDS. I love my Denver friends, although they are much different than Texas friends. Nobody can replace Megan, Becca, and Rita, but Blair, Alex, Sydni, Claire and Lana do a great job of complementing them. I genuinely ADORE the people that I call my best friends. Blair is a College Station native living in Colorado and the Lord has been so sovereign in introducing that friendship. Something kind of like the provision I saw in my friendship with Savannah, except by the grace of GOD, Blair lives in the same town as me. Tonight we watched Modern Family and baked cookies. It was a blast.

I honestly cannot think of a time where I was consciously more happy than I am right now. I love my life. I love my friends, both old and new. I love talking to Becca on my way home from work, and having hour long catch up sessions with Megan. I love getting surprise packages with gifts that speak to my heart from Beef and Cara. I love planning the rest of our lives with my sister. Oh how true it is that the Lord gives and the Lord takes away, but in this season of giving....I am taking advantage of the near constant joy that I wake up to every morning.

I love my life. And I love the God that designed it.