Congratulations!! You made it. You are 21 years old!! I am so proud of you for making it to this day, for the most part un-scathed. Also…today marks one year further away from the possibility of Grandmommy buying you acne cream on any given Saturday. (You can never grow out of needing weight loss books, so consider yourself lucky – you got the better end of this deal.)
I hope you are celebrating the right way! Outside. In the park. Doing things. Laughing. Living it up. Chillin. Relaxin’ all cool. Party Rockin’. Daydreaming. Being an all around baller, shot caller. I trust that you are.
I want you to know a few things on this blessed day. As you know, I have lots of strong feelings about your general existence and the anniversary of it today.
However (in honor of the black vs. white differences between us), because I am overly emotional about you and your life here on earth, and because you respond much better to my humor than my sappy and affirmative reasons that I love you -- I have assembled this group of (12) ecards to really get my point across for how happy I hope your birthday really is.
And with that, as your older sister, I would like to give you some advice that I wish someone would have given me on my 21st birthday (aside from the weary attempt Ali Burrow made…still haven’t found the definition for that gem) . Things I have learned in my 2.85 years ahead of you, things you should know are as follows:
1. Keep taking naps for as long as you possibly can. Live it up before the real world tries to steal your soul.
2. As unfortunate as it is, you actually do have to shower more than once a week. Our culture practically demands it. Its either shower, or pack your crap and move overseas.
3. Abbreviate everything. Don’t ever give up on your inner sorostitute. If it’s wrong, then you shouldn’t want to be right.
4. Do not, and I repeat, DO NOT ever like/own/touch/adopt a cat. Cats are practically the worst thing ever.
5. Keep on rockin’ the sweatpants. Ya’ look good, ya’ look real good B.
6. Contrary to popular belief, you actually cannot consume an entire yellow cake via the raw batter. This is extremely disheartening, I know, but also true. Being fat is a harsh reality that you really don’t want to experience. You have to lock that up. TRUST ME ON THIS ONE.
7. Appreciate being a Texan. Say “LIIIIKE, I KNOW” a lot. Accentuate your accent. Remember your Texan pride. It’s a gift, a lifestyle, an identity that you won’t and can’t fully appreciate until you leave Texas for an extended period of time.
8. Don’t actually ever grow up. Adults are idiots.
9. Surround yourself with funny people. I cannot stress this point enough. Your quality of life is directionally proportionate to how often you laugh. Laugh at everything. Jokes, people, anything.
10. Remember that I love you. And I want you to live life to the full and to be 'happy as a hippo'. And know fully that you are my favorite sister in the whole world and I adore you all the way down to your toes. Wish you were here to "koala me and just hang there for a bit". (Had to get at least one sap-happy piece in there). Love Jesus and live fully.
PS. Not to be the ultimate buzz-kill, but please be aware that this is the last birthday of your life that anyone cares about. They all start getting depressing from here. CHEERS, and again, HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY!!! I love the snot out of you.
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