Everybody's Free to Wear Sunscreen

So I am currently listening to the song “Everybody’s Free to Wear Sunscreen” from 1999, and if you kids have forgotten this lyrical phenomenon here is something to refresh your memory:

EVERYBODY'S FREE TO WEAR SUNSCREEN

(Please watch the above YOU TUBE clip before continuing to read) These are the few things that I took from that blessed song.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth--I am taking that one to heart and starting a diet tomorrow because mirrors don’t lie, and after the haircut lady made me remove my sweatshirt, I had to stare at my permanent winter coat body for over an hour while she wet my hair and then chopped it off. This is the kind of rock bottom that sends me to the gym. And the time has come.

You are not as fat as you imagine—This is the best news I have heard all year.

Don’t worry about the future—DONE. I don’t plan anything in advance.

Do one thing every day that scares you—And that one thing yesterday was using NAIR on my entire body...making me completely hairless and covered in rashes because no telling what they put in that stuff…it CANNOT be good for you. I am trying to think of something that scares me today but the NAIR incident seems to be big enough to cover two days. Otherwise I’d say getting a haircut is a big fear of mine and I already accomplished that and only cried for 4 minutes in my car afterwards.

Sing—I do that in the shower every day, DONE.

Don’t be reckless with other peoples hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours—If only someone would have slipped a note to me with this sentence on it in high school….or two weeks ago because then I would not currently be in facebook purgatory because I friend requested my ex-boyfriend trying to smooth things over and he pressed “not now” leaving me permanently in the “friend requested” zone that I like to call facebook purgatory. FML.

Floss—SHIT.

Remember compliments you receive—That time my college professor told me I was funny enough to be on Saturday Night Live.

Forget the insults—Like the time the guy wearing cargo pants at Einstein Bros told me I was a “sack of ShiZ” for taking his ‘parking spot’….apparently he had been waiting for a bit and I stole his spot (there is limited parking spots at Einstein Bros). Regardless, I got my bagel sandwich and left happily at least 6 minutes before he even got to order. Suck it, monkey.

Stretch—Did that this morning while I was still in my bed. Yahtzee.

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life—good thing because I have no effing idea…see THIS POST.

Be kind to your knees—especially if you have cartilage tears in them from when you were trying to be a high school Olympian…but even if you don’t its not going to matter because you will have to have a knee replacement at 30 no matter what.

Maybe youll marry, maybe you wont—this haunts me.

Maybe youll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary--Damn straight, I will.

Dance—just enrolled in a Hip Hop class in Boulder. LOOK OUT STEP UP 4.

DO NOT READ BEAUTY MAGAZINES THEY WILL ONLY MAKE YOU FEEL UGLY—self explanatory.

Be nice to your siblings—This one is made easier since I have the best siblings alive. SHOUT OUT Bebekins and SHORT STACK. And also it should be said that I do not make them play campout with me anymore and then make them close their eyes because its ‘night time’, eat all of our packed lunches, and then tell them a bear got the food. Those days are over. Now I just eat their food in front of their faces. Unless its pineapple—I know that consequences of that, B. Or birthday cake in Carson’s case.

Understand that friends come and go, but theres a special few that you should hold on to—TENDER especially when all of those said few are moving to various parts of the world. DAGGER.

Travel—And travel I would if I had anyway of paying for it.

You too will get old—WHAT tha WHAT!? Not if I can help it.

Don’t mess too much with your hair—I rarely even attempt to fix it. CHECK.

Be careful who’s advice you buy—and I only buy advice from people like Sydney Shrum. Because her advice never fails to make me laugh.

Wear sunscreen—this is where I draw the line. Sunburns are sexy.