S is for Summer and Songs....and Snow

Somebody is about to lose some teeth if it doesn’t stop snowing in Colorado. And I kid you not, come May and it’s still snowing, I am going to have a rage blackout. Every morning I look out of the peephole window that I have in my basement awaiting and in hopes of sunshine and warmth that I have always known April/May to bring. But every morning, the temperature readings almost send me over the edge in tears. Come on 60+ temps!

I want you to know that I've never been high on anything other than life (unless you count the time that I walked to lunch on 4/20 in Boulder, CO and breathed the marijuana air…or the time that I overdosed on pain killers and couldn’t remember where the dishes stayed in the house I had lived in for 12 years at the time), but May 15 may prove to be the most wonderful high of my life (to date)—Seeing Brooke Fraser perform live with Blair Whitley for my birthday.

I only hope to be able to give my children a gift as great as the one that I gave to myself when I purchased those tickets.

This summer I have plans to do a lot of laying out/getting tan and seeing as much live music as my little wallet will allow me. I might be eating Ramen noodles, but I am sure as hell seeing Mumford and Sons in concert on June 15. If anyone knows of other Denver concerts that are going to be all the rage, please send that information my way. Bonnaroo would be the icing on the cake, but once again the full time job cramps my style. Also I would like to mention Alexi Murdoch here, and tell you that he has absolutely captured my affection. Or better, re-captured my affection. Download. His. Songs.

I have always been one with extreme emotional capabilities, only Becca Feagin could rival me, but I would say that over the last few months I have dipped into something I never thought I would be known as—a crier. My dear mother, Betsy, cries when you even mention the Texas A&M fight song, and I just outright vowed that I would never know that as my reality. But alas, as it stands here are a few things that have made me cry lately:

Hearing the song that I want to play at my wedding (SHOUT OUT Phil Wickham)
Looking through old pictures
Talking about Kanakuk with Blair and Adam
Easter Sunday—He is risen, YALL. (valid cry)
Becca leaving (also valid)
I think I might have teared up at the lyrics to a country song that happenedto be playing in Starbucks the other day….low point.

Its embarrassing. I am well on my way to crying on a daily basis over stupid shiZ and I am not proud.

Anyways to brighten my mood, I made this summer CD full of songs that you should listen to with the windows rolled down on your way to the lake. OH to be at the lake, wakeboarding, without a care in the
world. I would give essentially anything.

She Doesn’t Get It—The Format
Rich Girl—Hall and Oates
Coachella—Brooke Fraser
Sweet Honey—Slightly Stooped
Home—Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros
Little Secrets—Passion Pit
Summersong—The Decemberists
Ottoman—Vampire Weekend
Send Me on My Way—Rusted Root
I like it—Enrique Iglesias
Rolling in the Deep—Adele
Good Life—One Republic
Never Let you Go--Jackaranda
Love is Magic—Drew Holcomb
Somebody to Love—Justin Bieber
Animal—Neon Trees
Rhythm of Love—Plain White T’s
Lisztomania—Phoenix
Africa—Toto
The Best of What’s Around—DMB

Happy summer, bloggers. It’s sunny today and that’s reason for worship!

Easter Celebration

Well, peeps. This weekend has come. EASTER. Easter weekend holds a ton of weight in my life as I remember it as a time when I most clearly remember God crushing my flesh. Well, that and having a dance party on the extremely sloped roof of my house at Holik Street with Becca Feagin in the infancy of our friendship. But with this upcoming day of celebration, I wanted to take a second and embrace the magnitude of what April 24 (this year) stands for.

Its no great secret that we as humans have a pretty effed up way of seeing everything (excuse my French). We have this distortion that lies at the core of our beings that screws everything up. And it flows to every part of our lives. It starts with a distorted view of who God is. We, in general, do not see well who He is. We doubt his goodness, we doubt whether or not we can trust him, we doubt whether he sees us as loving children or wicked heathens. We doubt that he loves us unconditionally. We doubt everything about who He says He is. We have a hard time trusting or believing that he will pursue us, care for us, protect us, be there for us. This one distorted view of God leads to a distortion of every other mode of our lives.

With a distorted view of God and who he is, we are led to a distorted view of who WE are and who we are in Christ, which leads to a distorted view of others. We were created for our identity to lie in the fact that we are God’s children, holy and dearly loved. With the freedom to live our lives in blessed communion with Him who created us. This distortion, this iniquity that we are born with that views God wrongly royally messes everything up. Especially our relationships.

We…and lets make this personal, I take that distortion and become a control freak out of some kind of deep fear, trying to control everything, trying to earn the love of others and therefore perverting my relationships with everyone else in my life. With a distorted view of God, and subsequently myself, my relationships are marked with my using and abusing of those around me. I crush them. The illusion that I fall under is that they are there to make me happy so that when I am not happy, its somehow their fault. I end up putting an impossible weight on them.

Matt Chandler claims that if you have a bunch of broken pieces…and you try and smash them together to get a whole, you for dang sure are NOT going to get a whole…you are just going to further break the broken pieces. Which means that when broken people try and find redemption in other broken people, broken people get more broken. CONVICTION.

He says that almost every bit of your sorrow, almost every bit of your suffering and pain, almost all of your loneliness and pain can be traced back to a distorted view of who God is and how He sees you. Of what he thinks about you. AW Tozer says that " what comes into our minds when we think of God is the most important thing about us." Since we have this distorted view of God–ourselves-others, we can see why the world is essentially a shit storm, cant we? I mean have y’all watched CNN lately?

"But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." -Ephesians 2:4-10

Once we understand who God really is, we can start to see ourselves in a correct light, and therefore will be able to view our relationships with others rightly, extending grace and mercy to those around us.

And don’t be fooled. We aren’t worthy. What makes grace so phenomenal isn’t our worth. What makes grace something we worship over isn’t that we are clean, its that we are dirty and God loves us IN IT. God does not love some future version of us. Its not when we screw up that we fall short of the glory of God. Its when we do EVERYTHING RIGHT. Its when we NAIL it, that the bible says God sees us as filthy rags. “All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags” -Isaiah 64 (Told ya)

So the good news is this: “If god reconciles us to himself through Christ, is that not the beginning of healing in the rest of the areas? He is the redeemer; He buys us back from the chains of slavery. He gives Himself so that we might be reconciled to God. So that those who would believe, and repent and by faith alone, that they might become children of God. That is what we are celebrating.

We are celebrating that while we were at our worst Christ died for us. And celebrating that something happened when we became aware of that truth. Something happened in our minds and our hearts when we became aware of Christ dying for us that changed how we lived day to day. Not perfect, we still fail and are still drawn to the flesh. But God is slowly making us more and more like him, and less like the distorted viewing person we were. All the while letting us keep our individuality. It’s the greatest story ever.” -MC

So get up and dance, lets party like its 1999 and celebrate good times COME ON, because this weekend we get to take time and rejoice in the fact that we are LOVED by an Almighty God. He rose from the dead YALL! And I don't know about you but I am going to celebrate with Adam and Blair in Vail, Colorado. It should be full of egg hunts and chocolate bunnies and sunshine and laughter and butterflies, and hopefully no snow. (Fingers crossed) 2nd best Easter ever! (Right after the original)

Raise and praise people! Its EASTER!!!!

One Year

Today my little blog turns 1 year old. Thats right people, I have a toddler blog. I love it even more today than I did when it first was born on an (EXTREMELY) lonely night of boredom last spring. Its been alot like raising a kid or a dog, except nothing the same like it doesnt poop or bark or scream. Anyways I love this blog, and would love for everyone to wish it the happiest first birthday.

Honestly, this year came and went alot faster than I thought it would. There are a plethora of things that have happened in the year of this blog's life and a few are the following: I floated the river with two of my bests and came up with more inside jokes than I have had in my entire life. I traveled to Waco, to Austin, to College Station, to Texarkana, to Galveston, to Dallas, to Texarkana, to Denver, to Colorado Springs, to Amarillo, to Panama, to Costa Rica, to Houston, to Kansas City, to Little Rock, to Texarkana, to Boulder. Modern Family became the best TV show on air. I went to a counselor for the first time, it bombed, I got a new counselor two months later and and really began to see grace in restoration. I moved in with a family who has two small children who I love as my own. I had a dance party in a shack on the beach with 6 girls whom I love. I smashed a pumpkin but missed Halloween. I had a dance party in the street and rocked out to the Backstreet Boys. I went to Kansas City and cried all the way home. I surprised my mom by coming home early. I got discouraged at my inability to fix myself or my problems. I surprised Becca by showing up in College Station unexpected. I got a job. I took hip hop classes and realized that hip hop might be my passion in life. I met Sarah Nash, Kelsea Leacox, Erin Rummage, Kristin Iehl, Blair Whitley, Adam McLure and a few more. I learned about the Lord in greater depths than I knew possible and took a total of 183 pages of notes in 3 months. I spent an entire month at the lake in Arkansas with my High School friends and realized that I will probably always have a small crush on my best guy friend, Brent. Udi's Cafe was discovered and my mouth said yes, and my bank account said otherwise. I met the Lord in more of a real way than ever before, and experienced his presence. I went on a date. I got a pen pal who doubles as my best friend. I had 7 roommates in a tiny room with no air conditioning in the summer. I was introduced to Jump Street. I let my hair grow out and then cut it off. I wept with a friend who's world was shattered. I almost died in a canoe. I swam in the Pacific Ocean. I swam in the Caribbean Ocean. I laughed with my sister. And then with her friends who I claim as my own. I got to see missed friends and realized that relationships make your life worth it. I recorded 47 videos on my flip. I ended a friendship horribly, and still don't know what the Lord is doing in my broken heart. I still pray for said friend relentlessly without cease. I painted to raise money. I learned how to fix my car when it broke down every other week and then gave up and got a new car. I attempted to like coffee and failed miserably and decided to stick with tea. I drove in a snowstorm. I heard the voice of the Lord. I found that old friends get sweeter every year. I went hiking and camped on a mountain. I ate at Larkburger. I got better at snowboarding. I stole a pack of gum. I held a baby who lived beside the river in a tent. I learned Spanish fairly well and got prideful about my communication skills. I did a dance in the middle of Panama City and then told people about Jesus. I discovered the worth of a friendship and got even closer to the friends that I put massive amounts of miles between by moving far away. I made good and bad decisions. I learned that laughter makes everything better, without prayer I'm useless, and that I can do nothing apart from the Lord.

And hopefully I documented most of that via my toddler blog. Happy 1 year to you, little blog.

Everybody's Free to Wear Sunscreen

So I am currently listening to the song “Everybody’s Free to Wear Sunscreen” from 1999, and if you kids have forgotten this lyrical phenomenon here is something to refresh your memory:

EVERYBODY'S FREE TO WEAR SUNSCREEN

(Please watch the above YOU TUBE clip before continuing to read) These are the few things that I took from that blessed song.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth--I am taking that one to heart and starting a diet tomorrow because mirrors don’t lie, and after the haircut lady made me remove my sweatshirt, I had to stare at my permanent winter coat body for over an hour while she wet my hair and then chopped it off. This is the kind of rock bottom that sends me to the gym. And the time has come.

You are not as fat as you imagine—This is the best news I have heard all year.

Don’t worry about the future—DONE. I don’t plan anything in advance.

Do one thing every day that scares you—And that one thing yesterday was using NAIR on my entire body...making me completely hairless and covered in rashes because no telling what they put in that stuff…it CANNOT be good for you. I am trying to think of something that scares me today but the NAIR incident seems to be big enough to cover two days. Otherwise I’d say getting a haircut is a big fear of mine and I already accomplished that and only cried for 4 minutes in my car afterwards.

Sing—I do that in the shower every day, DONE.

Don’t be reckless with other peoples hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours—If only someone would have slipped a note to me with this sentence on it in high school….or two weeks ago because then I would not currently be in facebook purgatory because I friend requested my ex-boyfriend trying to smooth things over and he pressed “not now” leaving me permanently in the “friend requested” zone that I like to call facebook purgatory. FML.

Floss—SHIT.

Remember compliments you receive—That time my college professor told me I was funny enough to be on Saturday Night Live.

Forget the insults—Like the time the guy wearing cargo pants at Einstein Bros told me I was a “sack of ShiZ” for taking his ‘parking spot’….apparently he had been waiting for a bit and I stole his spot (there is limited parking spots at Einstein Bros). Regardless, I got my bagel sandwich and left happily at least 6 minutes before he even got to order. Suck it, monkey.

Stretch—Did that this morning while I was still in my bed. Yahtzee.

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life—good thing because I have no effing idea…see THIS POST.

Be kind to your knees—especially if you have cartilage tears in them from when you were trying to be a high school Olympian…but even if you don’t its not going to matter because you will have to have a knee replacement at 30 no matter what.

Maybe youll marry, maybe you wont—this haunts me.

Maybe youll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary--Damn straight, I will.

Dance—just enrolled in a Hip Hop class in Boulder. LOOK OUT STEP UP 4.

DO NOT READ BEAUTY MAGAZINES THEY WILL ONLY MAKE YOU FEEL UGLY—self explanatory.

Be nice to your siblings—This one is made easier since I have the best siblings alive. SHOUT OUT Bebekins and SHORT STACK. And also it should be said that I do not make them play campout with me anymore and then make them close their eyes because its ‘night time’, eat all of our packed lunches, and then tell them a bear got the food. Those days are over. Now I just eat their food in front of their faces. Unless its pineapple—I know that consequences of that, B. Or birthday cake in Carson’s case.

Understand that friends come and go, but theres a special few that you should hold on to—TENDER especially when all of those said few are moving to various parts of the world. DAGGER.

Travel—And travel I would if I had anyway of paying for it.

You too will get old—WHAT tha WHAT!? Not if I can help it.

Don’t mess too much with your hair—I rarely even attempt to fix it. CHECK.

Be careful who’s advice you buy—and I only buy advice from people like Sydney Shrum. Because her advice never fails to make me laugh.

Wear sunscreen—this is where I draw the line. Sunburns are sexy.

April 14

Today is a special day for the following reasons:

1. Today marks the birth of my oldest co-brother, Kaleb/Kabe/KBB/Kaberooski, (SHOUT OUT) who is turning 21 years old; the second in our family to make the plunge into adulthood. At 252 months his stats are as follows: He is 6’1 and wears a size 11 shoe and is currently in his Junior year at the great Texas A&M University. He is the trendiest of all of our family members and sometimes gets mistaken for Zac Efron which he hates. He is a movie enthusiast and I always ask him for advice on which movies to see/not see. I really think he should pursue a career in working for the Texas Rangers in some form or fashion because he loves baseball more than I love sleep. Kabe grew up as my partner in crime and co-ruled the “big kids” group during our adolescence. Anyways, let’s all take a second to applaud him for turning the big 2-1 on this great 14th day of April.

2. Today is the first day that I have escaped from my room in the basement since being diagnosed with this sickness. I currently have the black lung (better known as severe (acute) bronchitis) and have been bed-ridden for the past 3 days. And while I still sound like the Lockness Monster anytime I speak, I am happy to say that I am at work today, although looking only a little better than death walking. I can almost assure you that none of my co-workers have come within a 5 ft. radius of me today. #overachiever

3. I found some Matt Chandler sermons that I have not heard from a recent conference he spoke at. BONUS.

4. I get to watch the newest episode of Modern Family (the television phenomenon which is the ultimate example of God’s grace and love for me) tonight, thanks to HULU.

5. I am currently on a sugar high from all of the Ricola cough drops I have consumed today (a whole bag). And if it wasn’t for the fact that my whole body was aching from pain, I would do a little dance in those tiny drops of salvation’s honor. However, anytime that I so much as glance down at my Ricola cough drop bag, that stupid man from Switzerland screaming RIIIICOLLAAAAA comes into my mind and I immediately swirl into a rage. But seeing that my throat feels like I swallowed razors today, I am going to keep on popping these drops like they are candy. And crank up the music in my headphones so as to silence that Swedish douche bag.

Happy April 14th, bloggers!

Passion

Well I am twenty-two years old. And that’s a little too close to twenty-three for comfort, assuming only one month separates me from the looming addition of another year of age. That’s right, in exactly one month I will celebrate another anniversary of being free from the confines of my mother’s womb. In all honesty I do not mind turning 23 because getting older indicates freedom in my eyes. Not to mention the alternative to getting older is being dead. So I am not complaining. Plus, I mean the pros far outweigh the cons…like now I get to do whatever the H-E-double hockey sticks I want to do whenever I want to do it. And I can stay up as late as I want and I don’t have a curfew (although recently I have been going to bed around 10pm on a daily basis). However I think a lot of people my age at some point have a mini panic attack trying to answer this question: WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?

So lately, in order to distract myself, I have been watching a lot of TV shows and reading a lot of books which just echo the same ideas—that I am created for more than some lame life of trying to make more money and find “the one” only to find 10 years down the road that I picked the wrong “one”. A book I read recently asked me kindly to write down the things I am passionate about. It asked me what was it that made me feel alive? What really made me happy? It asked me to write down the things that made me feel like I was created to be more then flesh and bones.

I started to answer these questions with typical Christianese answers like “helping people” or “feeding the hungry” or “showing love to children”…but there is a point in time that you have to be straight with yourself and I could go the rest of my life without another kid drooling on me. (Except Nadia Gray because I love that child like my own. Zoe too.) But other than these, I am not much of an infant child person. I much prefer them after the age of 7. Becca thinks I am weird. I think she is weird for using weird googly voices when talking to people under the age of 10. Can they not understand what we are saying in a normal tone? Must we have to talk like we are overly excited cheerleaders making sounds that they are used to like goo goo and gah gah? Is this they only way that children comprehend? Is this why they never obey me? I digress.

Anyways so I was thinking about what it is that truly makes me feel alive. And that question kind of overwhelms me….but here are the things that came to mind:

1. Performing. (Disclaimer: this does NOT mean I want to be an actress. Or a stage actor.) Cripes does this means I have to move to Hollywood/LA? I don’t really want to be sucked into the world of fame and end up in rehab. I have enough reasons to go to rehab without cameras in my bathroom. But I can’t lie--when I am performing I feel alive. I feel like God loves me when I am in front of a crowd. I love playing sports, being on stage, doing dances that I am only mediocre at but always get in the front because of my BALLER facial expressions (thanks 8th grade cheerleading), or speaking, telling jokes, etc. Anything with an audience that appreciates whatever it is I am doing. Must I be passionate about the one thing that I can probably never do for a living?? But you know what, this is America dangit and a girl can dream. Go big or go to Canada. *I fear that the desire for affirmation might be the root of this passion, but it is passion nonetheless.

2. Traveling. I can get some kind of giddy about airports. I love the adventure of them. Sometimes I show up late purposely just to see if I can make it to the plane. Sometimes I run through the airport for no reason at all, except for the adrenaline of the thrill. I love looking out the window on a plane wondering where the tiny cars are going. Anyways I haven’t had enough opportunities to travel the world as there is still an exceptionally long list of places that I still want to go. All I need is a travel buddy and I would leave today. Also there is the issue of financing it.

3. The Lord Jesus Christ. This one should be first but I thought you might stop reading in fear that I was still answering these questions dishonestly, but if that thought ran through your head--t I am going to assume that you have never read the book of John. This fall when I was living overseas I read the gospels a few times. I just studied Jesus and contrary to how I had viewed him for most of my life, Jesus is freakin’ cool. I mean he is not like the bipolar sometimes lovey dovey sometimes wrathful crazed psycho that I sometimes think he is. Jesus and I would have been friends I think because he was sarcastic, but he backed everything he did up with love. I think he sounds like one of those people that when you are around them, they make you feel like you are the most special person in the world. Kind of like Rita O’Connor. One of those people who when you are talking they act like what you are saying is the most interesting thing that they have heard thus far in their lives even if you are talking about toe jam. But then there were times when Jesus was knockin’ over tables in the temple and screaming at Pharisees. I think I could have gotten in on that party and maybe kicked one of them in the shins and screamed, “YOU KNOW WHY” like in that movie ‘What Happens in Vegas’. I think me and Jesus would high five a lot and that he would always laugh at my jokes. The good news is that He is coming back, and SOON. I mean there are definite signs of the Lord's impending return. For example, it's hot as fire outside….even in Colorado. Even at 7pm. I think Jesus is giving some people one last opportunity to realize that they do not want to spend eternity in hell. Repent now, it's hot! ….Like I said. He is funny.

In conclusion, my life plans have always been up in the air. At a very young age I wanted to be an Indian, because of my Cherokee heritage. I realized quickly that that was strong no-go for me assuming that isn’t a real profession (WHO KNEW?) so I dropped that one and moved on to dreaming of being a professional athlete or coach, but dropped that one when I realized I'd have to likely get a bowl haircut and invest in way more track (wind) suits than I wanted to. So, I was left as a senior in high school not knowing what to do with my life. I decided about, eh, March that I would just become Kirsten Cohen off of The OC and so I majored in architecture, which quickly became the worst decision I have ever made. (Its no wonder Kirsten becomes a lunatic alcoholic in Season 3. I don’t blame her.) So now I do marketing and PR at an architecture firm (just like Kirsten Cohen) and I actually like it. But before risking becoming an alcoholic I am hoping to become a traveling entertainer for Christ and really live up to my full potential using the passions God has graced me with.

Would have been easier if he would have just made me passionate about building buildings or cutting grass. Those things seem attainable. But no. Traveling performer it is. Yet another example of God’s good humor. I plan on bringing napkins wherever I go so as to be able to whip up the bridge diagram upon request.