"Come Thou Fount"

"Come thou fount of every blessing, tune my heart to sing thy grace. Streams of mercy, never ceasing call for songs of loudest praise. Teach me some melodious sonnet sung by flaming tongues above. Praise the mount, I'm fixed upon it, mount of Thy unchanging love.

Here I raise my Ebenezer, hither by thy help I come. And I hope by Thy good pleasure, safely to arrive at home. Jesus sought me when a stranger, wandering from the fold of God. He, to rescue me from danger interposed His precious blood.

Oh to grace, how great a debtor, daily I'm constrained to be! Let thy goodness like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to thee. PRONE TO WANDER, Lord I feel it, PRONE TO LEAVE THE GOD I LOVE. Here's my heart Lord, take and seal it, seal it for Thy courts above."

Well I was just listening to David Crowder's acoustic version of "Come Thou Fount," as I like to flood my room with Christian music in the mornings. It starts my day off the right way, with the right thoughts. However the lyrics in this song, I know a little too well. "Prone to wander, Lord I feel it. Prone to leave the God I love." This is so true, and so so sad. It takes my constant and daily surrender of my sinful nature to come back to the cross and lay my inadequacies at the feet of the King. Why am I/are we so prone to wander? God proves his love for us daily, all the time, and then he goes as far as to tell us about how much he loves us in his Word. His never ending, never changing, ever present and unfailing love is offered to us in infinite proportion, and yet there are many days when we say "um, no thank you". WHAT is wrong with us?

I like the verse that says "Bind my wandering heart to Thee" because it makes me think of essentially handcuffing myself to Jesus, so that I have to go where he goes. Metaphorically that works well in my head. I think that's what I need most days. Who am I kidding? That IS what I need, every day. Often I feel that things would be so much better, so much easier if Jesus could just come hangout with me so we can talk face to face. Savannah says that would probably turn into a sleepover, because there would be too many questions for just a dinner date. That would be fine with me.

I am so much of a miserable failure apart from God, and yet He loves me the way I long to be loved. The way that nobody else can. "Agape" love is how the bible describes it. The only perfect love. Proverbs 19:22 says that what every man desires is unfailing love. I agree with this. I just don't understand my own heart and why it refuses to do what is best for it. My mind keeps telling it that dependence on God alone is the only thing that will ever satisfy it's deepest desires, and yet it constantly seeks other remedies to the gaping hole that resides at its core. My heart is dumb, and extremely stubborn. It is like a reluctant toddler and the fact that I cannot control it just really ticks me right off. Becks started a scripture flip book a while back after Beth Moore told her to, and I decided to take Beth's advice too. I am almost finished with filling it with scripture that applies to me. Funny that the ones that most apply to me are mostly verses from David in the Psalms when he is like "Hey self, why do you suck?" ..."Why are you downcast, oh my soul" comes to mind. I have been beating myself to death with truth in scripture, and I am actually starting to see a few results. Maybe my wandering heart eventually will agree with my mind and start working on the same team here. God knows that is what I am praying for. I guess the answer lies in the final verse: "Here's my heart Lord, take and seal it for thy courts above."