Best Texts of 2012

So far this year kicked off with my friends being funnier than usual. And I would like to applaud them for that accomplishment. Please allow me to share some of the funniest texts of 2012 (thus far).


1. One day I sent Behnke (Behnkster, LB, O'TP) a Good Morning text of encouragement, because that’s really all I have going for me as far as spiritual gifts go. Her response blew my mind, and is, to date, in the running for the best text I have received in 2012.

Me: “blah blah blah, I love you, you’re cool, your hair has more potential than you think…etc etc etc”

LB: “Al. You are so encouraging and really good at the cycle jump of the triple jump. I love how you talk about Jesus and sometimes you curse because it’s funny. It’s cool. I admire your kale intake, and will pray that [full time job] doesn’t take your soul today. I am so happy Jesus is using you at [part time job that I love] for His glory. It was so awesome to see you so willing to follow him. I dare you to eat cheese today, you lactard.”

And with that, ladies and gentlemen, my day was officially made.

Thank you Lindsay Behnke, once again, for making me smile, laugh, and spit out my drink in front of a co-worker. You are an absolute GEM.


2. Everyone knows about the "bridge diagram" if you have even slightly heard of Kanakuk Kamps. This is the conversation me and my littlest, funniest sister had about the Joe White patented evangelism method. And if you dont know about it, just stop reading now because this epic conversation will mean nothing to you.

Me: "Maybe you could tell Jillian Michaels about Jesus if she was your trainer."

B: "Ha, yea as Im whining in pain, ill be sure to lay out the gospel in its fullness. Bridge diagram and all."

Me: "All you need is a napkin, Brittney."

B: "It's fool proof. Even on a plane."

Me: "Amen. Why Joe White never patented that is something I will never understand. It should be everywhere."

B: "On posters."

Me: "TV."

B: "Billboards."

Me: "Websites."

B: "Movie previews."

Me: "Lanyards around the neck of every claimed Christian."

B: "Tattooed across my back. I'll stretch out my arms and let the backs of them serve as the cliff ledges...I can tattoo 'God' on my left arm, and 'man' on the other, and the cross bridging the gap across my back."

And THAT, is the funniest thing Brit has said since she quoted Baby Mama SO FLAWLESSLY about 3 years ago. I still havent forgotten, B. We. Are. Funny.


3. Lee Michael, Land Man - (LMLM) has appeared on this blog for his humor before, but he has done it again! Upon a discussion about the dreary Colorado weather that we are currently experiencing, which was preceded by a few days of 60+ degree temperatures:

Me: "I hope you have a better day than the weather is obviously having."

LMLM: "Well, I woke up when I was supposed to be at the office...so there's that. In reference to the weather, that ole menopausing B...misery loves company. I'm peering out the 7th floor window at Mother Nature's prickly winter legs. She teased me for two days dancing around in her spring skirt...only to leave me disappointed once again."

Cripes, can it possibly get any better than this?? I submit that it cannot.

I love my friends. I love that God made them really funny.

Keep the witty comments coming, people. Post them in the comments section below, even.