My trip home was a phenomenal vacation. I always love being with my family and I got to see some high school buddies too. Spending time with my sister though, always makes me want to be in the same place as her 100% of the time. So it was quite the tease to only spend 36 hours with my best friend in the world. Overall, let me conclude that it was GREAT to be in the Lone Star state for the weekend. I am still a Texan at heart :)
That being said, home brought back a lot of junk that I hadn’t seen in a while. At YWAM, for the most part I am safe…well, to an extent. My struggles just look differently when I am living in a missional bubble of believers who provide constant gospel community. I don’t know what it was about being comfortable at home that just made it seem okay to revert back to the same old stuff that I have finally been walking in some sort of freedom from for the past 8 weeks. I hate my sin. But the question is: how much do I hate it? That is a good question, but this weekend I realized that I really do want freedom from it---for good. Even though the stripping of my sinful nature is very painful. There’s a big part of my flesh that kind of FREAKS out when the Spirit-led part of me decides its time to put sin to death once and for all. This death is usually accomplished in my life through bringing sin into the light. That’s when I know that I actually want freedom, that I actually want to heal.
So I am practicing this new idea of vulnerability. I think it might be the most re-occurring and LOUDEST revelation in my life lately--that Christ requires it from me. I think that the fear of being fully known is pretty valid for me since I am such a wack-job. My life has just been a joke in a lot of ways. And God knows I have screwed up. Its not the things that have happened to me that I don’t want everybody knowing. The things that were not my fault hardly cause any grief when brought into the light. It’s the things that WERE my fault that suck. My mistakes, my shortcomings, my sinful thoughts. Those are the things that I would rather keep in the closet that nobody opens. You know that creepy closet in every house that usually holds the hot-water heater? I would rather hide the gross mistakes of my past and present in there with that. This is my innate performance based mindset rearing its ugly head. The truth I have come to realize is that our sins are always an instinctive attempt to make ourselves god, which will always end in tragic failure, and God knows I hate failing.
I don’t know what it is about me that causes me to think I need to appear perfect. I don’t know why I feel like I have to pretend that I never struggle. This is such a contrary idea to what is expressed in the Bible. 2 Corinthians says that as Christians, we should boast all the more gladly about our weakness, since Christ’s power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore Christ’s power can dwell in us when we take hold of the idea that we CANNOT do it on our own. I am a mess without Jesus. Lucky for me though, the gospel doxologically declares that my relationship to God is not based on my radical struggle for Jesus, but Jesus’ radical struggle for me.
The exhausted idea of trying to save ourselves through either legalism or license never works and while self-reliance is the natural tendency of every human heart, we still do not hold right-standing with God through any other means than His grace. I too often though try to take back control and find myself failing and disappointed with myself yet again. But oh how precious it is to rest in the idea that Christ is in relentless pursuit of rebels. I am so relieved to revel in the idea that God’s acceptance of me is not based on what I can do or have done, but what CHRIST has done. THANK GOD. Oh how far I have fallen from the glory of God, and yet no matter how bad I fail, God always responds to great sin with great mercy. No matter how far I run trying to save myself, His grace and mercy go farther still. Our loving father allows us to run (via our free will), but he arrives at our place of flight before we get there and stands ready to again welcome us (even when broken and drenched with rebellion) with open arms and direct our steps back to Himself. All of us need to be continually rescued by God.
The idea that I need to fix myself in order to present myself to God is a really screwed up notion. The whole point of the cross is that I could not accomplish this feat. But IN the cross, the blood of Christ covers me that I might be presented as holy and blameless in God’s sight. Well that just evokes tears. Especially knowing the depravity that I know all too well as my own reality.
I think that the one thing that I need saving from the most is myself. And God is even faithful to save me from me. Pastor Tullian says that we can experience true life and freedom only when we come to realize that God is God and we are not. The deepest slavery is self-dependence, self-reliance. When I live my life believing that everything depends primarily on me, I am enslaved to my own strengths and weaknesses. This is me trying to be my own Savior. But freedom comes when I start trusting in God’s abilities and wisdom instead of my own. WELL THANK GOD. I am learning to transfer my trust from my own efforts to the efforts of Christ. I too often find myself trying SO HARD to beat my sin. To fix myself. To defeat the struggles that I know all too well, when God seems to be screaming through the gospel that He has already defeated this on my behalf. Well shoot fire. That is just too much. I’m tearing up in the airport.
Anyways I am now like 10,000ft in the air or something watching the sunset. From this view, its pretty easy to forget all the mess that is waiting for me back on the ground, in the midst of life. Up here I can just revel in how much BIGGER God is than any of my accomplishments or failures. It gives me a peace to see the orange and yellow splashed across the soft blue violet background, knowing that my God painted it for me. I look out my window and God is so beautiful. God is currently painting the sky, holding the world together by the word of his mouth, and yet he cares INTIMATELY about my tears. He cares about the desires of my heart. I fail to see this in the sweat of every day life. But God stands ready to take over the control of our lives—providing the most exciting adventure packed with fulfillment—the second we relinquish control to Him. Surely we are the most favored of all creation.
I am learning SLOWLY how much God loves me. Its like every time I think I know how much, He is faithful to completely rock my world. I am praying for a hatred of my sin…even if it is me trying to be good. One expression of God’s amazing grace is that he pursues our rescue even though we cannot do one thing for him. In and of himself he is already of infinite value and worth. The reason he seeks, saves, and sends sinners is because GOD LOVES SINNERS. No other object of worship loves sinners like God does.
So by the grace of God I am setting my eyes on the cross, and again accepting God’s infinite love, mercy, and grace through Jesus Christ to walk in the freedom that is offered to me. God help me. And with this relational God that LOVES ME leading me, I will gladly serve Him in whatever way possible. He is constantly reminding me that He wants to partner with me and walk through life with me using the passions that He has given me. He is constantly reminding me to look at Him, not to the left or right or around at anything else. He is lovingly coaxing me, at a pace that I am comfortable with, to put one foot in front of the other and take steps towards my Creator and Savior who is madly in love with EXACTLY who he created me to be. Sins and failures and everything, God is all-knowing and LOVES the heck out of me, regardless. So yet again I will take his hand, let Him brush my dirty bleeding knees off and take another step. Yes I will inevitably fall again, but I will run, crying, back to the Father who wants to comfort me in all of my troubles.
And as I am wobbly and uncoordinated, I am so blessed to have a handful of friends here on earth who know the depths of my iniquity and promise to love me anyways. I am so lucky that I can look around and see girls standing next to me as we brave the dark together. This group is boldfaced marching into hell, and bringing heaven with us. "On earth as it is in heaven..." We are taking wobbly steps alongside one another, and oh I so appreciate the GOODNESS of God for blessing me with such a supportive team. I am eternally grateful to the God that knew I would need some help, and while He is the ultimate Savior, I will never be able to thank Him for providing the friends that I call mine.
We are landing in Denver. See ya on the flipside.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
Lame Ramblings
Wow its been a really long time since I blogged. Today I feel like there is a wealth of things that I could write about, but none of them are coming to a point in my head. I feel that way a lot lately. Like an influx of knowledge is being put into my head and I don’t know how to process everything.
This past week we had a guest speaker named Fiona Gifford. She was the most revolutionary speaker that I have heard in a really long time. She genuinely made following Christ sound like the funnest thing in the world to do. It wasn’t begrudging submission with her, she spoke nothing about our duty to the Lord. Instead, she just had fun with us. She danced around and was totally okay with making a fool of herself at 53 years old in front of the entire class. She was full of life. She was funny, witty, and slightly sarcastic. She was SINGLE and it was apparent that she was comfortable there. Fiona just enjoys whom God made her, and was totally content living in His love, which satisfies all desires. I loved her. I loved her like she was my own mother. I want to be like Fiona when I am 53 years old. She radiated the glory of God, and it was encouraging to see. I wished that I could just sit and listen to her for the rest of my time here at YWAM.
The topic that she spoke on was “Hearing the voice of God”. It was clear that she had such an intimate relationship with God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit. I have been extremely challenged by her and I learned so much. However, it will be work to not just add this new knowledge to my memory bank but apply it in my life as ultimate truth.
This week Megan was here. I got to spend like every other day with her, keeping in mind that I had to share her with her family. She got to come and experience a day in the life with me on Thursday and heard Fiona speak. She participated in our discussion group and contributed just like she had been there all along. Megan and I got the “Oh, is this your sister?!” question only about 38 times in the 24 hours that she was with me at YWAM. It kind of makes me happy though, seeing that she really is like another sister. We spent time in downtown Denver, and we ate our body weight in yummy food. It was the most precious time with her. Every minute was encouraging. I love that girl, she so points me back to the cross. I hope that I do the same for her. But like every good thing, the week came to an end and I hugged my little friend goodbye at 6:30AM and painstakingly drove away. Goodbyes suck.
This weekend, though, presents another event to look forward to as I will be making the trip back to the homeland. I arrive in Dallas on Thursday night and will get to see Mom and Trudy, Grandmommy, Carson and Roman. I CANNOT WAIT. Then on Saturday, my better than best friend Brittney is making the trek from College Station to meet me in Texarkana. I have never been so excited to see someone in my entire life. I have missed my sister more than ever. I need her closer to me. So I am really anticipating my time at home.
I cant formulate with words any more of the massive amount of thoughts and ideas that are swarming in my mind. Sorry that my blogs have been less than interesting lately. Writers block is owning me lately. Until I find the words, see you soon!
This past week we had a guest speaker named Fiona Gifford. She was the most revolutionary speaker that I have heard in a really long time. She genuinely made following Christ sound like the funnest thing in the world to do. It wasn’t begrudging submission with her, she spoke nothing about our duty to the Lord. Instead, she just had fun with us. She danced around and was totally okay with making a fool of herself at 53 years old in front of the entire class. She was full of life. She was funny, witty, and slightly sarcastic. She was SINGLE and it was apparent that she was comfortable there. Fiona just enjoys whom God made her, and was totally content living in His love, which satisfies all desires. I loved her. I loved her like she was my own mother. I want to be like Fiona when I am 53 years old. She radiated the glory of God, and it was encouraging to see. I wished that I could just sit and listen to her for the rest of my time here at YWAM.
The topic that she spoke on was “Hearing the voice of God”. It was clear that she had such an intimate relationship with God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit. I have been extremely challenged by her and I learned so much. However, it will be work to not just add this new knowledge to my memory bank but apply it in my life as ultimate truth.
This week Megan was here. I got to spend like every other day with her, keeping in mind that I had to share her with her family. She got to come and experience a day in the life with me on Thursday and heard Fiona speak. She participated in our discussion group and contributed just like she had been there all along. Megan and I got the “Oh, is this your sister?!” question only about 38 times in the 24 hours that she was with me at YWAM. It kind of makes me happy though, seeing that she really is like another sister. We spent time in downtown Denver, and we ate our body weight in yummy food. It was the most precious time with her. Every minute was encouraging. I love that girl, she so points me back to the cross. I hope that I do the same for her. But like every good thing, the week came to an end and I hugged my little friend goodbye at 6:30AM and painstakingly drove away. Goodbyes suck.
This weekend, though, presents another event to look forward to as I will be making the trip back to the homeland. I arrive in Dallas on Thursday night and will get to see Mom and Trudy, Grandmommy, Carson and Roman. I CANNOT WAIT. Then on Saturday, my better than best friend Brittney is making the trek from College Station to meet me in Texarkana. I have never been so excited to see someone in my entire life. I have missed my sister more than ever. I need her closer to me. So I am really anticipating my time at home.
I cant formulate with words any more of the massive amount of thoughts and ideas that are swarming in my mind. Sorry that my blogs have been less than interesting lately. Writers block is owning me lately. Until I find the words, see you soon!
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Get excited, Get Get Excited!
There are alot of really exciting things coming up in my life. Here are a few that I am particularly stoked about, in order of occurrence:
1. Megan comes to COLORADO! Yes people, you heard me right! Megan Templin is getting on a plane and flying to the Holy land to visit me in Denver! Becca was here not even a month ago and now Megan! I might be the luckiest girl in the world to have such faithful friends. Each of which have encouraged me through this journey that has been equipped with its major ups and downs. I am just so excited to hug her little neck and laugh until my stomach hurts. Kind of like the time when she pretended to be deaf in order to not have to move from her table at Panera. That's hilarious. So she will be here on SUNDAY, staying until the following SATURDAY and I just cannot wait! Come on weekend!
2. Ally takes a trip to TEXAS! Again, too excited for words!! Mommy decided that she missed her oldest and most outspoken child just a little too much and agreed to fund a visit home! I never thought I would say that I am homesick but the truth stands. I think it comes mostly from living at home (in one bedroom alongside Britt and Cars) during the month of June, and getting to spend all day every day with my favorite people in the world. Granted, I was bored out of my mind but its the little things that I miss. Like snapping beans with Mom and Trudy and then letting Grandmommy cook them. And cooking big dinners together (in the skillet with rules) and watching Friends and movies and getting snowcones. Not to mention I need more face time with my baby brother whom I ADORE. And if the whole thing isnt just perfect enough, the icing on the cake: Brittney is going to come home too! THE WHOLE CLAN in ONE PLACE! I could cry at how excited I am for Grandmommy's cooking and always a hug and for cuddling with Carson and laughing with Mom and Trudy. I board a plane out of Denver on August 26th, and will be back in Colorado late the night of the 30th. Counting down the days, and right now the countdown is at 16 days! YAY.
3. Weekend trips! Every weekend (aside from the one where I will be in Texas) YWAM provides an outdoor adventure to attend. Some of the exciting ones coming up are: hiking a 14er (I am going to die); visiting hanging lakes; cliff jumping; camping trips and thats just in the next month! The up side to this is that I never have to be bored: SUCCESS. The down side to this is that I am constantly exhausted! Its worth it, just gotta remember to hit the hay at like.....9PM.
4. MISSION OUTREACH! We leave in a mere 5.5 weeks to fly to Panama in Central America. We will be there for a while, and part of the time there we are spending living among the unreached TRIBES! They live on islands. How legit is this!? I cannot wait to apply all the things that I am learning during the lecture phase to real life. I cannot wait to play soccer with Panamanian kiddos! We have outreach prep meetings twice a week where we are learning dramas, skits, how to share testimonies, and dances (Yep I am a dancer). We also are learning all about Central American culture, food, government, religion, and LANGUAGE. Thanks Mr. Hoof for teaching me nothing past a list of school supplies in Spanish. We sing songs in Spanish, we play games in Spanish, we share about Jesus in Spanish. Its great. Well after we have lived with the tribes of Panama for a little over a month, we will be boarding a bus for 18 hours to COSTA RICA! In Costa Rica we are going to be working in the slums and also in the Red-light district! I am so excited. There will be plenty of kids to play with in San Jose, and I am looking forward to hugging each of their tiny necks and telling them and showing them how much Jesus LOVES them, just as they are! Anyways our outreach leader, Matt, is LEGIT. He's so great and SO adventurous so I feel like we arent going to be idle at all! I am praying that God shows up in miraculous ways while we are there, and praying that it will CHANGE my life.
5. What to do next?! Its interesting that I would put this in a list of things I am excited about. But although I have NO IDEA what my next step is, I know that God has a sovereign plan that is PERFCT for me! There are alot of fun options that I have looked into like snowboard instructing at Breckinridge or Vail. I really have no idea what I want to do. As far as the WHERE: I really LOVE Colorado. But life is about relationships--not places, and I really dont know where to put that in my head as far as how it applies to what I should do. I want to eventually be close to my family...I would prefer that THEY come to ME, but who knows. I know that there is always an opportunity to find NEW best friends (but keep the old) but right now it just seems like everyone that I really love is in Texas. And as far as WHAT I am supposed to do, that is a whole other story. I dont know what I want to do for the rest of my life. Here I am, 22 years old and still NO idea what I want to "be when I grow up". I know which passions God has placed in my heart, and I want to use those alongside the gifts He has blessed me with to further the Kingdom. What job title is that? No idea. So I am just praying that God makes it blatently obvious what my next step is. I'd love you to join me in that prayer.
Today I have mixed emotions. I miss home and community and friends. I long for (honestly) the holidays with my whole family at home eating mass amounts of Grandmommy food. And it being warm and snuggly and not really all that cold outside (its Texas....) I miss comfort. At the same time I take a step back and realize that I am doing EXACTLY what I want to do. Walking in obedience to Christ and trying to make sense of this crazy thing called life. I am happy. I am on a constant adventure, which is my dream. Its just a cluster of all these clashing emotiongs. I feel so lucky, and so surrounded by community and then at the same time I feel alone and very tired. My emotions are so inconsistant. Thank God I dont have to rely on them for truth. My truth would be a big catastrophe if that was the case.
Today I find myself saying Davids coined statement "Why so downcast, oh my soul!? Why so disturbed within me. Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God!" One of those times where I just need to get on my face and ask God to rule my mind in truth. I know there is a reason why I am here. He didnt bother assigning this adventure to a light-weight. By God, I am a fighter and I refuse to wallow in pity, because I know that when I cry out to Him some ten thousand angels join me in a chorus to worship our King.
So thats where I am at. Fighting my flesh with Spirit as usual. This day is not going to the enemy.
1. Megan comes to COLORADO! Yes people, you heard me right! Megan Templin is getting on a plane and flying to the Holy land to visit me in Denver! Becca was here not even a month ago and now Megan! I might be the luckiest girl in the world to have such faithful friends. Each of which have encouraged me through this journey that has been equipped with its major ups and downs. I am just so excited to hug her little neck and laugh until my stomach hurts. Kind of like the time when she pretended to be deaf in order to not have to move from her table at Panera. That's hilarious. So she will be here on SUNDAY, staying until the following SATURDAY and I just cannot wait! Come on weekend!
2. Ally takes a trip to TEXAS! Again, too excited for words!! Mommy decided that she missed her oldest and most outspoken child just a little too much and agreed to fund a visit home! I never thought I would say that I am homesick but the truth stands. I think it comes mostly from living at home (in one bedroom alongside Britt and Cars) during the month of June, and getting to spend all day every day with my favorite people in the world. Granted, I was bored out of my mind but its the little things that I miss. Like snapping beans with Mom and Trudy and then letting Grandmommy cook them. And cooking big dinners together (in the skillet with rules) and watching Friends and movies and getting snowcones. Not to mention I need more face time with my baby brother whom I ADORE. And if the whole thing isnt just perfect enough, the icing on the cake: Brittney is going to come home too! THE WHOLE CLAN in ONE PLACE! I could cry at how excited I am for Grandmommy's cooking and always a hug and for cuddling with Carson and laughing with Mom and Trudy. I board a plane out of Denver on August 26th, and will be back in Colorado late the night of the 30th. Counting down the days, and right now the countdown is at 16 days! YAY.
3. Weekend trips! Every weekend (aside from the one where I will be in Texas) YWAM provides an outdoor adventure to attend. Some of the exciting ones coming up are: hiking a 14er (I am going to die); visiting hanging lakes; cliff jumping; camping trips and thats just in the next month! The up side to this is that I never have to be bored: SUCCESS. The down side to this is that I am constantly exhausted! Its worth it, just gotta remember to hit the hay at like.....9PM.
4. MISSION OUTREACH! We leave in a mere 5.5 weeks to fly to Panama in Central America. We will be there for a while, and part of the time there we are spending living among the unreached TRIBES! They live on islands. How legit is this!? I cannot wait to apply all the things that I am learning during the lecture phase to real life. I cannot wait to play soccer with Panamanian kiddos! We have outreach prep meetings twice a week where we are learning dramas, skits, how to share testimonies, and dances (Yep I am a dancer). We also are learning all about Central American culture, food, government, religion, and LANGUAGE. Thanks Mr. Hoof for teaching me nothing past a list of school supplies in Spanish. We sing songs in Spanish, we play games in Spanish, we share about Jesus in Spanish. Its great. Well after we have lived with the tribes of Panama for a little over a month, we will be boarding a bus for 18 hours to COSTA RICA! In Costa Rica we are going to be working in the slums and also in the Red-light district! I am so excited. There will be plenty of kids to play with in San Jose, and I am looking forward to hugging each of their tiny necks and telling them and showing them how much Jesus LOVES them, just as they are! Anyways our outreach leader, Matt, is LEGIT. He's so great and SO adventurous so I feel like we arent going to be idle at all! I am praying that God shows up in miraculous ways while we are there, and praying that it will CHANGE my life.
5. What to do next?! Its interesting that I would put this in a list of things I am excited about. But although I have NO IDEA what my next step is, I know that God has a sovereign plan that is PERFCT for me! There are alot of fun options that I have looked into like snowboard instructing at Breckinridge or Vail. I really have no idea what I want to do. As far as the WHERE: I really LOVE Colorado. But life is about relationships--not places, and I really dont know where to put that in my head as far as how it applies to what I should do. I want to eventually be close to my family...I would prefer that THEY come to ME, but who knows. I know that there is always an opportunity to find NEW best friends (but keep the old) but right now it just seems like everyone that I really love is in Texas. And as far as WHAT I am supposed to do, that is a whole other story. I dont know what I want to do for the rest of my life. Here I am, 22 years old and still NO idea what I want to "be when I grow up". I know which passions God has placed in my heart, and I want to use those alongside the gifts He has blessed me with to further the Kingdom. What job title is that? No idea. So I am just praying that God makes it blatently obvious what my next step is. I'd love you to join me in that prayer.
Today I have mixed emotions. I miss home and community and friends. I long for (honestly) the holidays with my whole family at home eating mass amounts of Grandmommy food. And it being warm and snuggly and not really all that cold outside (its Texas....) I miss comfort. At the same time I take a step back and realize that I am doing EXACTLY what I want to do. Walking in obedience to Christ and trying to make sense of this crazy thing called life. I am happy. I am on a constant adventure, which is my dream. Its just a cluster of all these clashing emotiongs. I feel so lucky, and so surrounded by community and then at the same time I feel alone and very tired. My emotions are so inconsistant. Thank God I dont have to rely on them for truth. My truth would be a big catastrophe if that was the case.
Today I find myself saying Davids coined statement "Why so downcast, oh my soul!? Why so disturbed within me. Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God!" One of those times where I just need to get on my face and ask God to rule my mind in truth. I know there is a reason why I am here. He didnt bother assigning this adventure to a light-weight. By God, I am a fighter and I refuse to wallow in pity, because I know that when I cry out to Him some ten thousand angels join me in a chorus to worship our King.
So thats where I am at. Fighting my flesh with Spirit as usual. This day is not going to the enemy.
Friday, August 6, 2010
Long Awaited
I have never had so much trouble posting a blog. For some reason words would just not come. Anyways, this is a jumbled mess of all of my failed attempts at blogging in the last week and a half. Enjoy my sparatic and random thoughts from the week. It does not flow at all.
I write to you as an exhausted YWAMer. In case no one told you, YWAM runs you 90 to nothing, and leaves very few gaps of time to sit down and blog. For this I apologize for their lack of consideration towards the blogging world. Before I blame YWAM though, I must say that any free time I get is not spent behind a computer screen so it’s a lose-lose situation for you guys.
So last week was Holy Spirit week and I really don’t have enough words to explain everything that happened. We got to experience first hand a lot of the work of the Holy Spirit and the gifts that come from Him. Prophesy, being slain in the Spirit, speaking and interpreting tongues, and the laying on of hands to name a few. Contrary to popular belief, (ahem) the Holy Spirit is not about magical powers like in Harry Potter, but sometimes He does work through miraculous powers that defy the rules of nature. Did you know that stuff is still happening around the world? People are still being healed; miracles are still being seen everywhere where faith resides and the Holy Spirit is given His due recognition. Our speaker actually saw a guy with an amputated arm, and watched as he prayed over him, HIS ARM GREW BACK. Can you even believe that? An arm just sprouted right out of a nub. Oh man what I would have given to see that. So maybe by the end of this experience I will throw a little “Wyngardium leviosa” on all of you guys and fly like Harry Potter by the power of the Holy Spirit. I’m definitely praying for it.
A lot of that stuff is controversial but guess what, its in the bible if you want to take a peek in the book of Ultimate Truth. And we do believe the bible to be 100% true right? If your answer is no, you have some bigger issues to face.
This week we are learning about the Fear of the Lord. Mark Davies is our speaker and I already LOVE HIM. Actually I loved him on Monday morning when sarcasm was the first thing out of his mouth. He uses the word “dirtbag” a lot and I think I am going to implement that into my daily vocabulary. He says things like “you know those days when everyone pisses you off and you react like such a dirtbag, then you get all convicted about your actions through the Word of God and it just sets off a detonator in your heart like a bomb.” (He usually makes a sound effect here.) Ha, he talks on my level, doesn’t use any religious jargon, but just tells it how it is. LOVE IT. He is only 27 and admitted that he wanted to murder his 2 year old twins this morning and just needed some prayer. *(Note the hint of sarcasm, he actually is the best dad ever and his boys and new infant 2 month old baby girl are the cutest kids in the world.)
So we are talking about Fear of the Lord, which is ironic because I just finished reading “Intimate Friendship with God” by Joy Dawson, and the subtitle was “Through the Fear of the Lord”. Needless to say, it seems like this topic has been pretty loud and clear lately from the big guy upstairs. The book says that if we really fear God, that we will HATE our sin and HATE evil, like God HATES it. Ouch. Mind bomb. I don’t hate my sin like God hates it. The evidence of that is that I run back to it in times of weakness, and yet the bible COMMANDS that we FLEE sin and fear the Lord.
We learned that Satan can come and tempt us at any time with any sin. Just when you say that you will never struggle with (fill in the blank), you will be in it and not sure how you got there. And it always starts with the mind. It does not matter what it is: unbelief, pride, lust, criticism, disobedience to God, or anything. We will find that there is no attraction to that temptation to sin to the degree that we have the fear of God. When we have Jesus’ attitude towards sin, instantly we will hate Satan’s suggestion to sin. James 4:7 says “Resist the devil and he will flee from you.” And don’t just sit there after that, load up on truth so that you will not be tempted again. Philippians 4:8 lists the things we should dwell on. It says “FIX your eyes on these things.” That represents a deliberate, determined, and disciplined act of your will. Because whatever you dwell on will determine your actions.
Out of the fear of the Lord we see that HE is just, and has every right to our whole-hearted surrender and obedience. The nearest thing to heaven that we will find on this earth is being at the center of the will of God, in a loving relationship with the one who created us. When we are delighting to do His will and delighting ourselves in Him that’s real freedom. That is fulfillment. The privileges and rewards from God when we truly place Him first in undivided devotion far outweigh the price, no matter how high.
To gain a greater and healthy fear of the Lord we must make a choice with our will. We must confess our lack of the fear of the Lord before God and cry out that He might have mercy on us. We should continually seek God for it and study the Word of God through which He speaks.
And lucky for us, we never need to be in despair that we will not attain to intimate friendship with God. Being obedient to the next thing God tells us to do will get us there. He has promised to clearly communicate to us everything we will ever need to know in order to obey Him---provided that we want to obey. Psalm 32:8 says “I will instruct you and teach you the way you should go”. God always rewards diligent seekers. With the simplicity of a child, we can come to our loving heavenly Father and trust Him to lead us one step at a time along the pathway of obedience that leads to intimate friendship with Him. He is longing to take our hand and do just that. And if there comes a time where we turn our back on sin and decide to indulge in our flesh/sin and mess up royally; we can be sure that God is the ULTIMATE TAILGATER, and is always closer to us than our thoughts. Even when he seems far away because of our disobedience, we know that He never leaves us, He just simply rams us in the bumper until we decide to turn around and tearfully return to His loving arms. Our God is so merciful.
On a lighter note, I have a lot of new really good music lately mostly thanks to Kelsea Leacox and Matt Watson. Does anyone know me well enough to know how much this excites me?! I love getting new music, I think it’s a love language.
This weekend we are going to the Royal Gorge. We leave Friday and will camp Friday night and then wake up and GO EXPLORE! Then we get the opportunity to do the Royal Gorge Skycoaster. Let me explain: You know the skycoaster at 6flags? Where you pull the rip cord, free fall and then swing back and forth? Well this is the same concept, except they have built it where you swing over the massive gorge, 1200ft from the ground. HOW GREAT IS THAT? Yep, and then on Sunday the PLAN is to go wakeboarding in Pueblo, but we are still praying that that works out. I would give anything to strap a wakeboard onto my feet. Just thinking about it makes me almost giddy.
So today I am happy. The sun is shining. I want to make sure you know that I say this just for today as I could wake up tomorrow and feel stale and stressed and numb and maybe even a little pissed off and not even sure who I am pissed at or what about…I have no guarantees for tomorrow where my unreliable and fickle emotions are concerned. I am learning though, not to worry about tomorrow so TODAY, I can thank God with all my heart that THIS PRESENT DAY I feel love toward the One who loves me first.
I write to you as an exhausted YWAMer. In case no one told you, YWAM runs you 90 to nothing, and leaves very few gaps of time to sit down and blog. For this I apologize for their lack of consideration towards the blogging world. Before I blame YWAM though, I must say that any free time I get is not spent behind a computer screen so it’s a lose-lose situation for you guys.
So last week was Holy Spirit week and I really don’t have enough words to explain everything that happened. We got to experience first hand a lot of the work of the Holy Spirit and the gifts that come from Him. Prophesy, being slain in the Spirit, speaking and interpreting tongues, and the laying on of hands to name a few. Contrary to popular belief, (ahem) the Holy Spirit is not about magical powers like in Harry Potter, but sometimes He does work through miraculous powers that defy the rules of nature. Did you know that stuff is still happening around the world? People are still being healed; miracles are still being seen everywhere where faith resides and the Holy Spirit is given His due recognition. Our speaker actually saw a guy with an amputated arm, and watched as he prayed over him, HIS ARM GREW BACK. Can you even believe that? An arm just sprouted right out of a nub. Oh man what I would have given to see that. So maybe by the end of this experience I will throw a little “Wyngardium leviosa” on all of you guys and fly like Harry Potter by the power of the Holy Spirit. I’m definitely praying for it.
A lot of that stuff is controversial but guess what, its in the bible if you want to take a peek in the book of Ultimate Truth. And we do believe the bible to be 100% true right? If your answer is no, you have some bigger issues to face.
This week we are learning about the Fear of the Lord. Mark Davies is our speaker and I already LOVE HIM. Actually I loved him on Monday morning when sarcasm was the first thing out of his mouth. He uses the word “dirtbag” a lot and I think I am going to implement that into my daily vocabulary. He says things like “you know those days when everyone pisses you off and you react like such a dirtbag, then you get all convicted about your actions through the Word of God and it just sets off a detonator in your heart like a bomb.” (He usually makes a sound effect here.) Ha, he talks on my level, doesn’t use any religious jargon, but just tells it how it is. LOVE IT. He is only 27 and admitted that he wanted to murder his 2 year old twins this morning and just needed some prayer. *(Note the hint of sarcasm, he actually is the best dad ever and his boys and new infant 2 month old baby girl are the cutest kids in the world.)
So we are talking about Fear of the Lord, which is ironic because I just finished reading “Intimate Friendship with God” by Joy Dawson, and the subtitle was “Through the Fear of the Lord”. Needless to say, it seems like this topic has been pretty loud and clear lately from the big guy upstairs. The book says that if we really fear God, that we will HATE our sin and HATE evil, like God HATES it. Ouch. Mind bomb. I don’t hate my sin like God hates it. The evidence of that is that I run back to it in times of weakness, and yet the bible COMMANDS that we FLEE sin and fear the Lord.
We learned that Satan can come and tempt us at any time with any sin. Just when you say that you will never struggle with (fill in the blank), you will be in it and not sure how you got there. And it always starts with the mind. It does not matter what it is: unbelief, pride, lust, criticism, disobedience to God, or anything. We will find that there is no attraction to that temptation to sin to the degree that we have the fear of God. When we have Jesus’ attitude towards sin, instantly we will hate Satan’s suggestion to sin. James 4:7 says “Resist the devil and he will flee from you.” And don’t just sit there after that, load up on truth so that you will not be tempted again. Philippians 4:8 lists the things we should dwell on. It says “FIX your eyes on these things.” That represents a deliberate, determined, and disciplined act of your will. Because whatever you dwell on will determine your actions.
Out of the fear of the Lord we see that HE is just, and has every right to our whole-hearted surrender and obedience. The nearest thing to heaven that we will find on this earth is being at the center of the will of God, in a loving relationship with the one who created us. When we are delighting to do His will and delighting ourselves in Him that’s real freedom. That is fulfillment. The privileges and rewards from God when we truly place Him first in undivided devotion far outweigh the price, no matter how high.
To gain a greater and healthy fear of the Lord we must make a choice with our will. We must confess our lack of the fear of the Lord before God and cry out that He might have mercy on us. We should continually seek God for it and study the Word of God through which He speaks.
And lucky for us, we never need to be in despair that we will not attain to intimate friendship with God. Being obedient to the next thing God tells us to do will get us there. He has promised to clearly communicate to us everything we will ever need to know in order to obey Him---provided that we want to obey. Psalm 32:8 says “I will instruct you and teach you the way you should go”. God always rewards diligent seekers. With the simplicity of a child, we can come to our loving heavenly Father and trust Him to lead us one step at a time along the pathway of obedience that leads to intimate friendship with Him. He is longing to take our hand and do just that. And if there comes a time where we turn our back on sin and decide to indulge in our flesh/sin and mess up royally; we can be sure that God is the ULTIMATE TAILGATER, and is always closer to us than our thoughts. Even when he seems far away because of our disobedience, we know that He never leaves us, He just simply rams us in the bumper until we decide to turn around and tearfully return to His loving arms. Our God is so merciful.
On a lighter note, I have a lot of new really good music lately mostly thanks to Kelsea Leacox and Matt Watson. Does anyone know me well enough to know how much this excites me?! I love getting new music, I think it’s a love language.
This weekend we are going to the Royal Gorge. We leave Friday and will camp Friday night and then wake up and GO EXPLORE! Then we get the opportunity to do the Royal Gorge Skycoaster. Let me explain: You know the skycoaster at 6flags? Where you pull the rip cord, free fall and then swing back and forth? Well this is the same concept, except they have built it where you swing over the massive gorge, 1200ft from the ground. HOW GREAT IS THAT? Yep, and then on Sunday the PLAN is to go wakeboarding in Pueblo, but we are still praying that that works out. I would give anything to strap a wakeboard onto my feet. Just thinking about it makes me almost giddy.
So today I am happy. The sun is shining. I want to make sure you know that I say this just for today as I could wake up tomorrow and feel stale and stressed and numb and maybe even a little pissed off and not even sure who I am pissed at or what about…I have no guarantees for tomorrow where my unreliable and fickle emotions are concerned. I am learning though, not to worry about tomorrow so TODAY, I can thank God with all my heart that THIS PRESENT DAY I feel love toward the One who loves me first.
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