Contradictions

God bless Texas. This weekend was one for the books as about 4 of my worlds collided in College Station, Texas. Sweet Home College Station. All crammed around a table at blue baker was my littlest sister and co-bro Kabe, my long lost best friend from Kanakuk and frister Megan Templin, precious and dearly loved Rita O’Connor (the prettiest girl you will ever see in real life), the funniest girl in the world and frister, @SydneyShrum, and finally my Denver based blonde best Bethany Brueggen. My heart was so overwhelmed with love that I could hardly stand it.

Have I told yall how much I love my littlest sister? Seriously, Brittney is the most amazing person that I know. We work like puzzle pieces. I mean honestly, I am going to call 60 minutes and have them do a special on us for being the first siemese twins to not be born attached...or born the same year. We are going to be so rich. And she has awesome friends who will let an old timer like me hangout with them on the weekends.

This weekend was the best weekend ever for multiple reasons that include but are not limited to the following list:

• Most of my favorite people were all in one place. (*However, it felt wrong to be in College Station without Becca Feagin and Lauren Wood)
• I spent the weekend enjoying WARM Texas weather!
• The Texas Rangers are going to the World Series again! YAHOO!
• The fightin’ Texas Aggies showed up on Saturday for the second half (finally) and BTHO Baylor!
• I attended an collegiate football game and tailgated afterwards, so it finally REALLY feels like football season. (I am weary of this ‘I don’t care about football’ Colorado attitude)
• I ate at Blue Baker. Twice.

Being in Texas always ignites some intense nostalgia in me. It is a very weird feeling to ‘go home’ to Texas, and then ‘come home’ to Denver. Both feel like home in some ways, but each is so very different. I love both places tremendously, and am not sure where in my head to store these contradicting emotions. I love being able to confidently put to words what I am feeling, what I am thinking. But alas, I am at a loss for words. There is no amount of letters strung together that could explain the condition of my heart when it comes to the war of Texas versus Colorado.

I love Texas. I love Colorado. I laugh in Texas. I love well in Colorado. I love the heat and sunshine. I love the snow and mountains. I have friends who love me well in Texas. I have friends who love me well in Colorado. Texas is comfortable. Colorado is new and exciting. Texas is home. Colorado is an adventure. I am prideful about being from Texas. I am prideful about living in Colorado. Texas boasts lakes, wakeboarding and familiarity. Colorado boasts mountains, snowboarding and crisp October air. Texas’ environment is welcoming and comfortable. Colorado’s environment is interesting and fascinating. And amidst the confusion of where my heart lies, I have to simply accept that it can lie in both places. I love Texas and I love Colorado.

However, for this time, for this fleeting instant that God has given me, I have an overwhelming sense of peace that I am where I am supposed to be. I know that God called me specifically to Denver, and that he has provided in ways that only could have come from His creative hand. I know that I am a better person since I have moved to Colorado, and that being removed from my comfort zone has pushed me to grow up, mature, and press into the Lord that called me to adventure. I trust that God is doing something in and through me while I reside in this mountainous wonderland that hosts the most beautiful Octobers. And while I cried my eyes out yesterday as I hugged the necks of my comfortable better than best friends and family, I know that they support the fact that I am living a life surrendered to a God that called me far away from them.

As we drove in opposite directions with tears streaming down our faces, Rita sent me a text saying that “we are the lucky ones…so thankful the Lord has allowed us to belong to such an incredible group of friends.” And she is so profoundly right. My heart wouldn’t feel as if it was being ripped from my chest at the Houston airport if it wasn’t for the fact that I love my friends hard. And because they love me back, regardless of the fact that most of them have seen me at my worst. I am convinced that I have the best friends in the world. And like Beef says, “you can always come home.” I am so overwhelmed with love for the people that God has placed in my life to love me well, to partner with me in this life. I so appreciate the girls who are willing to love me well from a distance when I board an airplane back to my dream life. And on top of that, I am thankful for the girl who sat next to me on the plane back to Colorado, comforted me and loves me like Christ does while here in Denver. Oh God, you are too gracious to this unworthy soul.

So I am happy to be back in Colorado. And I still miss Texas. I am choosing today to rest in the plan that God has sovereignty put in motion for me, and trusting Him to accomplish His will in my life. By His mercy and grace alone. Come, Lord Jesus.