Thankful Thursday

1. Manicures and Pedicures with your best friend on a particularly rough day. Naturally I got french and she got barbie pink. No shock here, people.

2. THE POOL.  THE POOL.  THE POOL!

3. TEXAS VACATION THIS WEEK, and naturally this awesome t-shirt that Kristin sent me via snail mail.

4. These two idiots, and hammocks in the backyard.

5. The great city of Denver which I am so extremely blessed to call home.

6. Sunset walks at Wash Park.

7. Spending some quality time with this hott mama this weekend.

 

8.  Pretending we still live in the same town, and loving on my little clone of a BFF in Dallas.

9.  Savoring some ACTUAL Tex-Mex.
10.  My last day of work at the full time job.....TODAY.  Praising the Lord for the past 2 years at this job and for the opportunity to move on!


SO VERY THANKFUL THIS WEEK!!!!!

Thankful on Thursday

1. New Pandora Stations.
2. Big striped beach towels that keep you from burning your toesies on the broiling concrete, poolside.
3. Karla Heath -- a buddy to play in the pool with! And the ability to for our bodies to tread water for 30 minutes straight and then celebrate by taking a ride (or three) on the kiddie slide. Same girl who makes me laugh until my stomach hurts.
4. The feeling immediately after a hard workout.
5. Chocolate and peanut butter mixed together in sweet union.
6. Thunderstorms and rain outside my window.
7. Aviator sunglasses.
8. Sleeping in and lazy mornings.
9. Palisade peaches.
10. An upcoming vacation to the great state of Texas, to see all my loves!!

Be thankful!!!! God has blessed us immensely.

My Personal Hell

Honestly (and apparently), there are only so many things you can learn about yourself during the daytime hours.  Other things, what some may call your true colors, will sometimes only come out after waking up AGAIN in a pool of your own sweat to the sound of a train horn that shakes the walls of your bedroom every half hour.

A list of things that I have learned about myself tonight include, but are not limited to, the following list:

1. I will take a cold shower at midnight in an attempt to CTFO.  (Cool off)
2. I will use the F word.  Out loud.  To myself.
3. I will eat ANYTHING that I desire regardless of how much damage it will do to my waistline.
4. I will sleep with an ice pack on my head, and ice water next to my bed.
5. I will pour said ice water onto my pillow in a desperate manner.
6. I will erupt into tears without warning.

This routine always starts the same way:  shock and denial.  I hear the distant train horn and at this point I am still in a hazy, sweaty sleep.  The train horn gets louder.  I realize that I am wet, but still a little unconscious and unable to fully assess the situation.  TRAIN HORN. Can't determine if reality is that I am on a hot beach tanning my skin, or if....no, no I am sweating in my bed.  Which is a total freakin' nightmare. Completely drenched in sweat. TRAAAAAAAIN HOOORRRNNNNNNN!!!!!!!

SHIT. My thoughts are racing. “Maybe if I pretend I didn’t hear it, it’ll stop.” The train laughs at me. AND BLOWS THE HORN ONE MORE TIME FOR GOOD MEASURE.

"LOL. Um, like a fire alarm? This is happening." The faster I acknowledge it, the sooner I can mount this crazy horse and let the games BEGIN.

And suddenly I am blackout raging.  Crying.  Anger and frustration have taken over and I am bargaining with God.  Anything but my sleep, God.  Anything!  If anyone knows how important sleep is to me, its Him!!  And that kind of funnels into depression and more tears, cold showers and ice chips.

Getting no sleep makes me absolutely crazy.  And the crazy(er) version of me cannot handle the full time job.  CAN. NOT. HANDLE. IT.  The forecast for tomorrow is really shaping up to be a total emotional shit storm.

Screw it.  The ice water is going down the back of my neck. 

And with this, I have further proof that hell is an extremely just punishment for rebellion against a Holy God.  THERE IS NOTHING WORSE THAN THIS.

Full Time Jobs. Not My Thing.

With only 7 (SEVEN!) more days left at this full time job, I can’t decide whether to stick around or to light myself on fire. The 2pm-3pm hour has always been hard on me. Compared to the other hours, 2-3pm is like stepping out of a warm bath and being thrown into a vat of ferrets. The next certain amount of days are all really going to depend on whether or not I get paid at the end of this thing for my un-used sick days. If not….I see a very traumatic sickness in my NEAR future, (as in, tomorrow). Ferret fever.

I am to a point in the day where I just tried to eat the pen in my left hand while holding a banana in my right. Bow before my intellect, humans.

Speaking of nothing in particular: Does anyone else have this running through their heads?

“SHOT THROUGH THE HEART!
And you’re to blame,
Darlin’ you give looooove a bad name (bad name).”

What about now, suckers?!



In just 8 (EIGHT!) days, I will once again be venturing into the holy land of Texas. Becks, Beef, Cara, Meg, and the wonderful world of Brown-Rice all at once! Too much!

What I am MOST looking forward to (besides everything) is challenging myself to the usual: making my parents laugh until they cry. It’s not that hard, and a quick rendition of Bon Qui Qui usually does the trick. But GOD AND BRITTNEY (specifically) KNOW it’s time for some new material.

The way it ALWAYS goes is that something strikes them as unbelievably funny. (KEEP IN MIND: IT’S USUALLY NOT THAT FUNNY) Their chuckle forces its way into a hearty laugh which propels its way up into howling and then shrieking. Shrieking and pounding the table with fists. Cue gasping for air. They start to lose lung capacity which brings on choking until they actually cannot breathe. Usually they are in such comical hysterics at this point that they cry. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

Casual bystanders would probably think they were dying. I think they usually feel like they are. And one or both of them end up in the bathroom, without fail. Dogs are barking. This rabid chimpanzee act lasts for anywhere from 5 to 15 minutes and serves as my ab workout for the entire week. This kind of thing only happens in Texas, I am sure.


You guys know who I love? Brittney Lynnakins. Just look at her! She is such the big girl, what with being a SENIOR in college! And further—she is the ONLY person in her entire summer school class at TAMU-T (Texas A&ME) who passed her pretest yesterday. She’s cute AND she’s smart! I have her number!

God get me to 5PM.

Fitness

Thought you people might like an update on my recent and feeble fitness attempts.

 It has come to my attention that I am weak as a hairless kitten. I even have trouble summoning muscle power to type this, and I try to reserve what little strength I have for lifting and shoveling chip after salsa-drenched chip from the basket at the center of the table to my lips. Taxing, that.

I’ve mentioned crossfit….

About fifteen minutes into a crossfit workout, I start doing that crazed hyena whimper-laugh, closely followed by tears. I glare at our instructor through narrowed eyes. Her tiny body still fits within my millimeter of vision. She’s laughing. I am not. My millimeter of vision starts to swim, and I catch myself making noises that I haven’t heard before, and I am embarrassed. Also…I’m shaking.

She then tells us congratulations for getting through the warm up, and that its time to start the workout. This is where I black out. There is a light, and I move toward it. There is pumpkin cheesecake there.



You know how Olympic commentators tell you when someone doesn’t have their toes pointed quite right, or why a particular maneuver is impressive? You start to develop this quasi-expert knowledge of the sports you follow (GYMNASTICS), which you then promptly forget for the next four years.

Wouldn’t it better to have commentators for other things? Things you could learn that would really have an impact on your quality of life? For example, we could each be assigned a commentator for our early twenties who would follow us around offering insight into our performances:

“This maneuver she’s attempting could be a bit psychologically tough on her, because throughout her dating career, she’s proven to be a nervous talker. Let’s see how she does…

Oh! Oh! Big-time overshare, Bob. That is devastating for her. Let me just explain what happened a bit here, her date did not need to know she hasn’t showered or shaved her legs this week. Wow! That was out of nowhere.

Whew. That is really gonna cost her.”


In other news....I am getting tan.  Like I always say:  'If you cant tone it, tan it.'

A Thursday to Be Thankful

Good Morning! I hope you are not suffering the July 5th blues quite as harshly as I usually do. I hope the fireworks and watermelons and patriotism warmed your soul like a blanket, and that you celebrated as hard as those kids in ‘The Sandlot.’ God bless the USA.

To jump right to it: I am reading this new book, called 1000 Gifts. And really it’s not new to anyone but me, because I think I am the last person I know to have read it. It’s phenomenal, and I am only on Chapter 3. The whole book is about celebrating the life we are living now, the little precious moments, and about living a life of thankfulness for all of the gifts that God willingly gives to us on a daily basis. It’s a challenge, per say, to live “your best life now” with more biblical undertones and without all the Joel Osteen bull crap.

So I am taking the challenge. In the book, the author writes down things she is thankful for every day. And because I am clumsy and exceedingly forgetful, (PRONE TO GET BORED AND PRONE TO NO FOLLOW THROUGH) I am going to stumble into this like I’m drunk in a dark room of obstacles. For now I will take Thursdays, on the blog, to list 10 things that I am exceptionally thankful for. The little things that I am so grateful to God for giving.

“To name a thing is to manifest the meaning and value God gave it, to know it as coming from God and to know its place and function within the cosmos created by God. To name a thing, in other words, is to bless God for it and in it. …In naming that which is right before me, that which I’d otherwise miss, the invisible becomes visible.”

10 Things I am Exceedingly Thankful for:

1. A most adored friend, who loves the Lord harder than any, who agrees to just sit and listen to my (hormonal) rant about the metaphorical swift kick to the gut that happens sometimes out of nowhere and leaves my soul torn and broken. A friend who makes it SAFE to be fully myself and who applauds my strengths and encourages me in my failures. And further, who loves me because and despite of exactly who I am. Thank you God, for Bethany.

2. The feeling of cool water engulfing my head on an excruciatingly hot summer day, and watching the water droplets dry from my legs while I lay beside the community pool on a day off from work.

3. Life in a country established on freedom. The most exceptional gift, the US of A. (And for fireworks to celebrate its birth.  Because fireworks are the BEST!)

4. Hot showers in the morning. Cool showers in the evening.

5. Fans. (Fans being the only way I survive summer nights.)

6. Skype and its plagiarized version of hanging out with friends who are scattered around the country.

7. Surprise gifts in the (snail) mail. (Especially when said gift is an ENORMOUS Texas flag!)

8. A song that brings joyful tears on the way to work. Today, that was “Sweetly Broken” by Jeremy Riddle.

9. Plum and Peach season! Fresh fruit!

10. Books, real books, with their smelly pages and their water soaked spots splashed from cannon balls.

That’s my list for today. I am blessed beyond measure and I am so grateful for a God who loves me. What are you thankful for this Thursday?

When I say America, You say "We're the BEST."

AMERICANS!!!!!!!!!!
It’s the 2nd of July! Which means you know which holiday is fast approaching!? THAT’S RIGHT. THE FOURTH OF FREAKIN’ JULY!!!! I love it. I love it. I love it. I love America. #RED #WHITE #BLUE!! May or may not have cried during the USA Olympic Gymnastics Trials last night, but that’s neither here nor there. And this post is not about gymnasts, it's is about God’s country (not Israel).

It’s time once again to celebrate this idiotic awesome country (the best damn country in the world) by playing outside, accentuating our southern accents (if you got it, flaunt it...I always (never) say), and blowing things up! Not even the total fire ban in Colorado can stop us from shooting fireworks! MUA HA HA! Grab a summer beer, and SO HELP ME GOD, play country (READ: AMERICAN) music as loud as your little speakers will allow and dance in the streets because Wednesday is INDEPENDENCE DAY!

FREEDOM! I love it.

This past weekend was splendid and awesome mostly because I got my tan on like I still lived in Texas. And now I look a little less like a vampire, and a little more like my Cherokee heritage. It was fabulous. Bethany, GOD BLESS HER SOUL, found us an amazing pool to spend both Saturday and Sunday lying beside. This is the best contribution that Bethany has made to our friendship thus far. And I was perfectly content just dozing in the sunshine and reading my book until Behnke arrived, demanding that we play in the water and go down the toddler slide. And seeing that I am NOT a fun-hater, I did a cannon ball right into the “swimming laps only” lane. Which was awkward for all my speedo wearing friends who were, PLEASE NOTE, between the ages of 65-80. Also, the lifeguard blew his whistle notifying me that I could not play in that lane. RUDE.

(Note from pool goers united: IT’S NOT OKAY TO WEAR SUCH A TINY SWIM SUIT, MEN!! Put on some trunks!)

Anyways Behnke and I had handstand competitions and underwater tea parties and choreographed a synchronized swimming routine, and I am 98% sure that I pulled a hamstring trying to do multiple flips. SO APPARENTLY I’m not 12 anymore. Who knew?  LIFE IS HARD.

So we stayed at the pool for right around 6 hours each day and then during time in between, we went to church, went on walks at the park, layed on the couches, and spent some time “Pinteresting” (READ: wasting our lives). Anyways I learned how to make a leopard print cake which is helpful in ZERO circumstances unless I plan a party for Beef anytime in the future. In other news: YOU CAN PUT ANYTHING IN A MASON JAR AND SUDDENLY ITS TRENDY!

Well. It’s a complete injustice that I am even at work today. We should get a week off for this holiday. TOTAL CRAP. I am rebelling against the system and taking a walk during lunch. And probably going to light sparklers in the office later and run around singing the national anthem. What can they do? Fire me?!

(ANSWER: Yes. They can fire me.)