Christmas Wishlist

Forewarning: This blog isn't going to be deep. Im not in a deep kind of mood, although if I sat here and dwelled on some stuff, I could get there almost instantly. But as it stands I am keeping MT company as she studies her life away, eating Christmas cookies at half past midnight. I'm really happy right now, although I would prefer to transport to Waco for the night, and road trip to College Station tomorrow for a tacky Christmas sweater party. Those are really my favorite. I would wear polka dotted leggings. And big grandma glasses....and KEDS. Of course keds.

No, instead of pouring my heart out into cyberspace, I am going to remain in the shallow end tonight, and give you my 2010 Christmas Wish List. Tis the season to be jolly. (none of the following items are a joke).

1. I want to dress/act/look like/sing like/BE Brooke Fraser. (Disregarding her newest music video for the single "Betty" which was an obvious disappointment.) She is clearly my role model, but she is just so freaking awesome. I mean granted this might seem like an unhealthy obsession.....and it is. Completely unhealthy obsession. But get off my back, at least I'm not modeling my life after Marilyn Manson. Or Barack Obama. HAHA....oops stepping on some toes there. .....Liberals, ahem. So whatever cut me some slack.

2. I want some magic shoes that will transport me to wherever I want to go, whenever I want to go. And they better be comfortable because I plan on wearing them alot. I assume they would be ruby red like in "The Wizard of Oz" and would probably fit something like Sketchers shape-ups because I am now wearing them outside of the workplace where black shoes are required because of their high comfort level and the fact that my booty is seriously going to be something fierce by the end of this holiday season. Yep I said it.

3. I want to REALLY be able to dance. Like real talk....and I am talking like real dance. Not like ballet. Ballet is gay. I am talking hip hop. I mean, I am a rock star at the 2-step (thanks to living in College Station) and the one other dance move that I laughingly call my "go to" move which I copied from dance professional herself, Becca Feagin. But seriously, I am like counting down the days until Step Up 3 comes out on DVD so I can try and mimic that girl's every move. I saw the movie in 3D with my friends Stephen and Sinque when I lived in Denver and left wanting to start my own dance crew and try out for So You Think You Can Dance. And actually...I can't dance, so that's why I am adding it to the wish list. I genuinely like dancing even though I probably look like a typical ex-cheerleader with clinched fists, and it doesn't help having athletics as my only background for coordination. Shockingly enough being a pro-dribbler in basketball doesn't prepare you for the pop lock & drop. WHO KNEW!?

http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi2734556697/

4. I want a pedicure. I would like my toes painted with white tips, French style. Because I like looking at my feet when my toes have paint on them. And I want this pedicure to be with a great friend who will chat with me about how much it tickles when they use that scrubber on the bottom of my feet.

5. I want a money tree. Much like the giving tree, but instead of me chopping it down to a stump and sitting on it when I am old, I would just prefer its leaves to be usable cash. And I would water it and take care of it and make sure it gets plenty of sunshine and in return, it would pay me. Why is that so much to ask?


6. I want all my best friends to live within 30 minutes of me. And I want to live in Denver, Colorado. So in conclusion, I want all of my best friends to move to Denver.

7. I want my own snowboard, and matching gear. I want to have like really cool snowboarding gear...the kind that when people see me, they think, "wow she must be like a legit x-games snowboarder." And while I am on this kick....I would like to actually be an x-games snowboarder. And I would sport one of these beanies as I conquered the half pipe.

8. I want Whole Foods to cater all of my meals, and provide me with lots of organic healthy foods, and cool contraptions like juicers and food processors and teach me to cook, so that I can become a gourmet chef. Some nights I am going to just want the chef himself, because I will be tired from snowboarding and not want to cook. But on the nights that I have enough energy, I legitimately want to learn how to cook, well. And then I will make yummy food with all of my cute matching cookware, and invite all of my friends over to my house to eat dinner and watch movies and swap Christmas presents, like the ornament exchange that my high school besties are currently in the middle of.

9. I want sweat pants to become the newest hip clothing. But since Hollywood will never submit to that, I want someone to come pick out my outfits that have been given to me by Anthropologie or Urban Outfitters every morning. I cant promise that I will forfeit the sweat pants every day.....but on some days, seeing that a cute outfit was layed out on my dresser, I would at least try it on. Does anyone remember the Disney Channel Original Movie "Smart House"......yea, BINGO.

10. I want an unlimited amount of Spiced Chai Tea Latte's, preferably from Lollicup, but Starbucks will suffice.

11. I want to own an Interior Design shop, where I can personally decorate people's houses to look like they came straight out of Southern Living Magazine. The first employee I would hire would be my aunt Trudy, who already does a great job of decorating her own house to mimick the style. I think that would be a really fun career to have, kind of like the one that I stalk via THIS BLOG. I am excited beyond excited to decorate my little house in Denver (when I get it). That is FUN for me...I mean not like bungee jumping at six flags kind of fun, but still the kind that I probably wont be able to sleep the night before.


12. I want a dog. Maybe a labradoodle, like Brittany Forrester's dog. I want it to be big and playful, but I do not want it to smell like a dog. Brittany's dog, Avery, is big and brown and curly haired and she smells, feels, and really looks like a blanket. She is my favorite dog ever. And she doesnt pee or bark incessantly. She just is obedient and perfect and cute. So actually, I was just wondering if Avery could have a puppy....what do you think Beef?

13. I want chicken minis from Chik-Fil-A to win some kind of Holiday Award of some sort. Like maybe, "Best breakfast treat EVER" award. I really think they deserve it, and I'm pretty sure they wouldn't let it go to their heads.

14. I want to run a half marathon. I know that it's possible, but it seems so hard to get to a point where running 13 miles is do-able. So actually I want the motivation to train to run a half marathon first. And I want to run it somewhere that I can look around at pretty scenery or something to distract me from the more common thoughts that come to me while running like: "omg my legs are going to fall off" or "am I going to collapse?" or "if I just ran off of the trail and into the woods would anyone notice that I dropped out of the race/would I know how to get back to my car and cry?" I want to run this half marathon in 2011...but that is more of a resolution which I will save for a later blog post.

15. I want unlimited supply of those little Christmas tree cakes.

16. I want cute festive socks. A different pair for every day of December. And I need them to be extra warm, since I am moving to the arctic.

17. I want to build an igloo in the snow. I had never even heard of building igloos in the snow, nor did I even know it was POSSIBLE until my friend Savannah informed me of this winter time phenomenon. And seeing that I am moving to a snowy wonderland, I see this as being possible in my near future.

18. I want to be inspiring with the way that I live. I want to constantly invade earth with heaven, proclaiming the gospel with the way that I love. I want to prove by my life that Jesus is real, can save, and transforms. That life with Him is the only satisfaction we will ever find. I want to be radical with my actions. (WHOOPS just almost slipped into the deep end there.)

19. I want to go to a bonfire (and we're back to the kiddie pool). At this bonfire, I want to roast s'mores and drink hot cocoa. I want to wear festive scarfs and hats and ugg boots even though its only 50 degrees in Texas on our coldest day. And I want someone to take alot of pictures this night so we can remember how much fun we had and over-sensationalize it later in the year.

20. I WANT IT TO BE CHRISTMAS!! And for Christmas to never end! And for Santa to come! And to wear matching pajamas with my whole family that we opened in our stockings the night before. And I want it to snow in Texas (thats asking alot). And I want to be cozy and happy and all of these things....keeping in mind that we are celebrating Jesus!!

So there you have it. The most selfish "I want" blog ever. And I really do want all of these things, all kidding aside. Merry almost Christmas. I hope everyone is having a super happy holiday season.

This I know, for the Bible Tells Me So

I am currently in what I like to call a “pity me” mode. Fiona Gifford, the one person who I would literally move anywhere in the world to be mentored by, told me that our ears need to hear our mouths speak truth and our eyes need to see it written. Seems like thanks to Fiona and the help of my closest sources of accountability that God is asking me to speak truth into myself. Especially seeing that I am presumably at a weak place. My least favorite and first step is telling God how I really feel and admitting the sin and wickedness of my own heart, acknowledging that I have again fallen short of His glory. Usually this is the time to go ahead and announce that I still have strands of idolatry in my heart that desperately need redeeming. A feat only God can accomplish.

So tonight I am admitting straight up that I am not worthy of my place in the kingdom, and only thanks to Jesus Christ can I stand blameless before the throne. I am saying out loud that there are things and people that I love more than I love the God who created me; that my rebellious heart still pleads for the things of this world to attempt to fill its void, although my rational mind knows better. Yet my heart often wins the war as I try again and again to cram relationships and everything else into the gaping hole that never loses its appetite for more, and is never satisfied.

David Marvin gave a talk one summer at Kanakuk about the process of self examination and its painful process. Oh how I wish I could look away from the mirror that I must look in. I wish that I could go on living in sweet oblivion and pushing all my problems to the side, sweeping them under the rug. But then you have a lumpy rug and you eventually trip and fall down. So thanks to that lumpy rug reasoning, and the fact that I am ABSOLUTELY a dweller, I instead am forced to deal with my emotions at face value and here is where I get really thankful for a perfect God:

Isaiah 55:8-9 says “My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are my ways your ways. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my thoughts higher than your thoughts and my ways higher than your ways.”

WELL PRAISE THE LIVING GOD. The bible commands us over and over again to renew our minds. What does that even mean? Like I wish God would just zap me from the heavens and I would automatically be holy and function in a manner only worthy of Christ. Seriously, lightning bolt into my head and make me Godly. For some reason I dont think it works that way, and Fiona says that we are responsible for our own thoughts. It is our responsibility to capture sinful thoughts, rebuke lies, and replace them with what is true and of God. God never condemns but only convicts. And if our thoughts are not in sync with the thoughts of God, they are not worthwhile to dwell on. So me, being a dweller (as Brittney is so faithful to remind me), I have to choose to dwell only on things that hold absolute truth. So LETS DO THIS. Here is what I absolutely KNOW:

I know that I have a God who loves me. I have a belief system where I can have absolute certainty of my salvation. My sole purpose is to bring glory to the Almighty God.

I know that I have eternal security.I know where I am going and its GOOD. The end of this story turns out very well, and for this I am thankful that the world and its depravity is the only hell that I will ever have to experience. ("He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” Revelation 21:4)

I know that there is nothing I can do to make my God love me any more or any less than He does at this moment. There is no failure or disaster than can shake his love for me.

I know that every day is a new day, and every act of repentance is a new beginning.

I know that Jesus Christ died for me, for the atonement of my sins, providing the entirety of my belief system. I know that He rose from the dead, is seated at the right hand of God, and He is coming again. OH GLORIOUS DAY.

I know that the Holy Spirit enables me to be different than I used to be. He IS renewing my mind and slowly walking me through both victories and failures, molding me. I know that I will be different tomorrow thanks to the promised progressive sanctification of the Lord.

I know that God speaks to me through the scriptures, through music, through His still soft voice. I know that he longs to speak to me and guide my footsteps. I know that His words are like living water and serve as constant affirmation, the only kind that really fills me up.

I know that I have a family who loves me, adores me. A support system of seven lunatics who will stand by my side no matter what, through think and thin. Who will help keep me busy when I cant get control of my own thoughts (insanityyyy). And all who serve the same victorious God.

To get specific I know that I have a sister who is the best person in the world and who gives me the BEST advice, even if most of the time its to “chill out” and not worry so much. Brittney keeps me on my toes and loves me the way Christ calls each of us to love.

I know that I have a brother who is my hero and is setting an example with his life that I love and respect more than he will ever know. Carson is my hero.

I know that I have friends that are absolutely the icing on the cake in this life. I have accountability like none other and friends that will love me through my craziness. I have new friends and old friends and mostly small friends actually. I have some friends from kamps and some from college and some from when I was 10 years old. I have friends that push me towards the cross. I know that I can call them when I am in a frenzy and they will speak life into me and not death. I know that I can rely on them through all the storms of life.

I know that I am healthy and have no serious ailments. I am blessed.

I know that God will be faithful to complete the good work he started in me. (Philippeans 1:6)

I know that God has a plan for my life to prosper me and not to harm me. (Jeremiah 29:11) I know that He is in control at all times in every situation regardless of how it looks/feels.

I know that the God of the Universe is in relentless pursuit of me regardless of me completely.

Knowing and living truth must be synonymous. Obedience is a reflection of how well we know our Creator. God can be included and reign sovereign over our rationale, reasoning, and thoughts. We, being created in the image of Him, are but an echo of the living God. So tonight, once again I am choosing joy. Here is one reason why:

Because I am sitting in the room that I share with my little brother. He has his shirt off while he is studying so he can glance at his newly developed muscles from time to time in the mirror. I giggle at him and admire him. He just told me a story for 10 minutes about how he can talk his way out of bad grades sometimes, and that’s why its okay that he didn’t start studying until AFTER we watched 3 episodes of Criminal Minds. I get to spend an entire month with this boy who I love all the way down to my toes. This boy calls me his big sister and I found him in my bed when I walked in tonight, ready to snuggle me. So tonight the truth of the matter is that I am blessed. So stinkin blessed that its too much for my little heart to take in. In this moment I know that truth from the Lord overrides any lies of insecurity that the enemy has whispered in my ear all day long.

This is the excerpt of a blog post of a girl I don’t know, but she’s spot on (Thanks MT): “I think this is a life-long season, and having a renewed mind is a full-time job. I can't afford to be lackadaisical about it. Its amazing how the more I clear out of my head that isn't of God, the more open space He has to fill with things that are of God. And the best news is, God doesn't hold grudges. So if one day I'm really bad at renewing my mind, we're still on speaking terms the next morning, and He is just as willing, wanting, that I might have the mind of Christ.”

I LOVE THAT. I love that even when we suck BAD, we can start the next day again anew, with a loving, patient God who is not holding a grudge at our past failures. Oh if I could even fathom a love like His. The more and more I come to terms with the way that God really loves me, I look at life differently. The gospel, when understood, absolutely changes you. It rocks me to my core. Because I can find my emotional security in this God, in Christ's achievement for me, I can admit my wrongs and weaknesses without feeling deflated.

"...you lay aside the old self, which is being corrupted in accordance with the lusts of deceit, and that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind and put on the new self which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth." Ephesians 4:22-24

See? Already I am out of pity me mode and into: 'OH God thank you so much' mode. Speak truth. Rebuke lies. Enjoy life people. Enjoy the ups and downs and the good times and bad. Drink it in, because we are but the morning dew, here today and gone today. So buckle up and choose joy. Not to mention, a calm sea isnt the goal in life...it's the excpetion. God makes waves. Us too.